Just to say a HELLO to my Girls!!

ahh!! here, i can smell that rustic muddy smell that of an on Library. a book fungus smell, that always used to hint me about how long i have not entered the room. I loved it even though it gave allergies to a lot around there. I can hear my voice echo in here, as if i was gone for a long holiday and come back to receive a lonely home of mine. I see how lifelessness can create this many changes to the lifeless bricks. or how much a lifeless block of bricks can be lively with the presence of Life! Our voice, our touch, our air... there something is mysterious.. i think there really is no point in being negative coz we itself are made of positivity's and we spoil us by adding the dirt in to the crystal clean spring of our soul and making it dark, the more we add negativities the more we become dark and lost..

I have been doing many things these days, and i found that it still took away my time like a cotton candy exposed in the air. Birth and Death, the commence and finale. In between is where the fun exist. the stop-watch is running, seconds after seconds in a quick walk and we wont know when the button is pressed to stop! that is mandatory and none can stop, i know all this but in between the start and the end, i want to mark my existence marked somewhere that i ll be remembered in a good way even after years of my being not alive on this blue ball. Everything is incredible. Sorrows are the chilly flakes on top of the pizzas, its hot but that's what makes it taste different and good. I know this, i know most of it but i know that i don't know everything. :)

I came here today to say a BIGH HI to my girls. Who have been with me through out the time since we met and i can feel it. We dont speak that much or chat or haven't met in many months or a year or two but i can feel your presence. I can see that i am not alone what ever damn i do. This is why i love you all. This feeling is what that made me come here today and open the door that really creaked. Its dirtied by the spider webs that out grown to look like a rusted mesh in most of the corners. and i see our old posts and photos all dusty too! i wiped it with my hand and it made my gloves look like yuck, still reading a few lines from the words behind the glass frame made me all go heart-wiggling!!! And butterflies in my tummy!! Good old Girly days! I miss that, i dont listen to enrique, i dont walk in the rain, i dont look up at the berths in the train, and i dont do a lot of things that i always loved to do, only because i....i....because i miss you terribly guys...i miss us...and i dont want to do that without you....i know i cant find time to chat with you or call you or get in touch with you but have time to write it here...i have time to write it here because i may not be able to tell all this to all of you using my tongue, that would crush me in to powder like a delicate cookie...i cannot do this talk as good as i did it here. I have always felt that this place is our heart, we are four equal pieces of IK4 and what ever i scribble here would reach you all some way...I love you...I miss you...come back some time...this used to be our park bench where we spent a lot of our evenings, this used to be our coffee shop at the corner where we used to chit-chat and limitlessly laughed...i can see it covered by dried leaves, waiting for us to clear it and have a seat again, i can hear our unclear conversation still echoes within the dark corners of the cafe. I am trying to breath-out that nausea of our nostalgia thats really hurting at the centre of my heart..!!

take care and i wish i find anyone of you waiting here the next time i steps in...

The Culprit Called “Invention”

The dusty pale evenings, when I come back home carrying the heaviness of knowledge on my shoulders that always ached with a rash of red lines on both sides… I would wait for your call, snacking on the rusks and a steaming tea thickened with fresh cow’s milk. With my messed up two side plaits with the ribbons on I would run in to your arms as compassionately as I would do it to my sisters if I ever had… the box games, the kitchen games and many other deeds… I would still remember us climbing on the trees to pluck mangoes guavas and wax apples carrying it in the bundle of the skirts we wore. The days when we waited for the sugar candy seller’s bell and the run without slippers through the rocks and stones and mud to catch him, getting the candy in a news paper cone and walking back to home with blushing giggles…

It was different. Way very different. Things had changed a lot through these couple of decades. People are more arrogant and self centered. Even the sun is harsh and hard. What changed it all? Where did it go wrong? There doesn’t exist anything ordinary in anyone’s lives. Regardless of the fact that ordinary was the thing -The original, most pure and harmless. When we try to divert our lives to modernity, shortening the roads to the minute switches or touches on a hand phone we are literally missing the beauty that used to make us cheer through the whole way we travel to fulfill our needs… the crystal clear streams that we jumped over, the log bridges, the woods, the lakes, the green patches the water falls… the butterflies that confused our path..the dragon flies..the bees..the birds the wild flowers, what a vibrant scene! I wish I get another chance to watch it just once at least…

I could find myself evolved over time in some ways, but I know how much I value the real stuffs. How much I love to get rid of the irritations that technologies present with pride and simply enjoy the coolness of the water in the old pond beside the old temple we always used to visit. The emerald green pond abode to tiny fishes and weeds. The way the water massage the feet, the sound of mantras the priest chants with the bells ringing and the divine smell of camphor and incense from the temple rejuvenate to the depths is totally an out-of-the-universe feeling, aaah, that deep fill of fresh and fragrant air!!! I wish if I cans store a little of it in a box for my children.

What I understood about this era is that’s its digging an easy way to death by leading an easy life. No hardship, no struggles and absolutely no idea about how to be humane. The whole affair revolves around finite expensive toys. Majority of the mankind take birth with half-grown brain and character defects. Children know superheroes, monsters and aliens but not their uncle’s aunts and neighbors. It beeps when the weather updates in the smart phone, but they never tend to spare a few minutes to observe the beauty of the sky turning in to dark, dragging the moist wind from some long distance, the leafs and even dust blown in the air concluding to pour down all in a sudden washing away every single dirt from both body and mind. A Total purification! How blessed are we by the nature. It’s all wasted and left out to perish, silly and unwanted.

The modern parents have made themselves a slave out of their parenthood. They work day and night earn and spent it on whatever their children obstinate which becomes manure for a child’s over stubbornness. They are all growing spoilt. One thing we should all keep in mind regardless of how much we love and care for our children is this that a need always fulfilled would turn them lazy and crazy. They find it as a technique to have themselves done nothing to gain something. Let them know about the hardship you take to get your children things they want. Teach them to know the value of everything, including relationships. Allow them to work hard and get things what they want so that they would treasure it for their life. It’s not nice to sacrifice your whole life for your children. It’s a sin; it would turn in to a curse to them. Don’t spoil your health and youth to build a promising life for your offsprings. Rather live life wisely and happily, loving each other and everyone, showing kindness and compassion, being emotional at times, hug, kiss, cry. They are not your life; they are, yes but a part of your life. Bring the real stuffs out, make life visible to your children and they would learn from it, which will eventually make them grow with wisdom. It is your duty to raise your children but its not your duty to mislead them. A person becomes strong through hard work and determination. If you feed them whenever they cry, you are literally closing the door for them to be on their own destiny. Let them wander, let them fall, let them get up without a helping hand and there you build a wise person and there you become a real parent. Turn back and look at the initial days of your marriage and now! You would find a huge difference in the both. You would see a pair of love birds transformed in to a pair of robots. Don’t let that happen to you because even this affects your children, they grow watching you. They observe everything. You are their role models. So be a good life partner, love, do things together, understand and do your duties. That’s it!

I think it’s time to go back and adapt the olden styles. We bring back the fashion. We yells “stay classy.!!”. Let’s implement the way of living too in the olden way. Let’s go to farming and fishing, let’s travel in country boats and carts, lets barter. How simple it is.  I plant tomatoes, you plant potatoes. You give me three potatoes in exchange of three tomatoes and there will be rice planters, wheat planters, Coconut planters, fruit planters, we do the same with every one of them, thus we build a stronger society, helping is what? A smile on the face, a tear in the eyes, it’s the real happiness. Lets row the boat, lets tug a cart and lets don’t fight over oil and coal. Why is life getting expensive? Because of the demand. Why are certain things high on demand? Because of the usage. If you don’t buy cars the same number as the members in the family, Sir. Saddam Hussein would be still alive, living happily with his children and grand children. Iraq would have been one among the paradises on earth. Why war? War is a byproduct of Greed. I only have this single line explanation for this. Nothing else! So let’s transform back to the classic ways and everything will be sorted out. I know this will sound impractical; you may point your finger at me. I admit, I am ready to go back and live a peaceful life. I understand that things had changed so much and its hard to take a step down. But I give this word, a step down from this crazy world would help you gain a lite head. It’s the only way to simplify life. Let’s don’t strive. Just say No to science and inventions. The world would still have remained a paradise, if god fixed a smaller brain in the human skulls..!! 

Qui audet adipiscitur/ he who dares wins

I plant the last seed of life

In the barren dying earth

Foreseeing nothing but

Humane sprouts shooting out

I searched for a stream

Or a pond to water

But all I brought back was

Nothing but disappointment

I find no way out

To regret and give up

So with deepest compassion

I nurture it with my tears

And I fence it with my arms

On this day as I wheezed for

Some fresh air before I depart the life

A wind of faith was blown

Ventilating my whole, my soul

By the last heir of a dumb world

And the mother of the next

I found her, adorn in green

Head held high like a warrioress

Strongly determined to

Paint this world again Green…

The Boon

I grow old

I grow matured

As this process goes on

I grow fonder to myself

My beauty, my abilities

My credentials and caliber

As one observes their garden

I observe my face my body

Sometimes into the hollow of my soul

I scorch upon finding grays

I shudder watching me wrinkle

And the pain just gets worse

When my memories fade

I would still love you

I would still need you

But what if the last hint of

You too vanish

I would rather pray

For a boon to take my life

While I still know your face

And close my eyes watching you…

Evolution

The rough boulders smooth

And shapes in to curves

People too change over time

But the other way round sometimes

Soft and sweet to rude and bitter

I see the nature evolves better

Men tend to harden

And alters to form the rock

The rock of pride

The unpalatable shapeless stone

That is of no use to itself

Or others surround…

My Reflection

What’s haunting me?

I inspected my image

Reflecting in that oval mirror

A smile was affixed on my face

But I found no glow in my eyes

A monstrous something

Had eaten my brain

Abandoning me empty and blank

Like an unwanted old dusty china pot

To which the spiders refuge in

I asked myself for a reason precise

And I watched my face go pale

With a sigh of failure and dismay

What is it?

I hauled from within but

The sound simply echoed inside

And calmly hid under my skin

My reflection rippled

And turn unclear and blurred

As if a stone is thrown in the stream

My eyes ran deeper to rescue it

But it disappeared in a whirl

Making the mirror empty and blank

Just as my memories did 

Compassion..!!

I could feel that you are

Holding on to me

Your hands rapping mine

Your gaze linking mine,

While our intentions tangled

Shooting straight to the same finale

We stumbled on the same stone

Catching each other not to fall,

We moved forward on the same rail

Sacking the equal portions of same misery

My mind repeated what you chant

The glorious words of the love we have

In absolute satisfaction my hand reached you

To pat on your back and soothe

Whispering, the strength of our connection

The most sincerest compassion

That alone is enough to climb

The toughest hills and mountains of LIFE 

Injunction

What will I say?

Its raining outside

Though the warmth of unluck

Still suppress inside my room

Suffocating my abilities

Finding no way to escape

And chill in the wintriness

Of the vast opportunities

That the world holds in its womb

I question to faith

Why am I not expelled

From this mishap of lucklessness???

La Pasionaria- the flowers of Passion

I was awake, with a tickle uncontrollable, passing the shiver from my toe to all over me, it was the silk curtain lingering my feet, like a feathers touch, so lite and smooth under the soft pink skin of my heels…I partially opened my eyes to the mirror opposing me, his arms around my waist tight as if I am cuffed for some offense sweet. I watch my undone hairs covering his face, a few strands flying in the warmth of his breath. Milky linens slithering through our legs and curves disappeared at some place to form a cascading river on the marble floor…sound of the chimes tinkled to make music together the sound of his respire- like a calm oceans euphony…my eyes refused to move away from the innocence on his face, even though it was his reflection…my hands wished to pamper his childishness as if he is my son, a child born to another woman. The satins flied high by the pull of a deodorizing cool and mushy breeze...it spread all over the space making us covered with it as if a petal by the nectar…The air did taste sweet…my face turned from our reflection to his real self…he is still asleep under the warmth of my body…watching him like that for a while broke out a sudden urge to kiss him the very way I did it on him for the first time…the nastiest and the wildest one ever, like a burst out of wants, so strong that the crave pushed me for more and more, I wasn’t feeling enough of it and I behaved like a cast away finally finds a clear water stream to settle his thirst. Nothing will suffice my passion towards him, I mumbled.  I couldn’t help him from the bruises that day, but I know those bruises will always be remembered as a memoire of the strength of my feelings towards him. I rolled over him, and pecked him on his forehead, he rolled over me and planted a kiss on the side of my neck, on the curve of my waist and then it was just colors and patterns, it was dawn and twilight, day and night, rain and sun, wind and snow at the same time… twisters hit, thunderbolts strike and volcanoes erupted…buds bloomed, dews dripped and it hailed too..The whole nature vibrated in harmony and I puffed the breaths of immaculate Love...

Even though I tried to calm myself, I found that it was not just me but both the souls trying to summon, it was not two bodies uniting it was the souls getting their chance to bond. It is the souls that mates. It’s their way of showing love and our bodies simply move according to the tune. When love is suppressed for a gap of time, the feelings keep sedimenting and gradually that will turn in to a madness, to give and take all that’s reserved in the very single moment you are exposed to your love. The cuddles, kisses and love-making ending up in uncontrollable pants and yells, one must experience this at least once and those who don’t miss the most of their lives. There is a saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and yes that’s really true. Securing the love and affection from the first day of being apart, saving it from seconds to seconds to minutes to hours to days to months and sometimes years, finally  reaching the day of reunion with this huge bundle of feelings, eventually make you in tears of extreme happiness, I must say that’s the most loveliest times in our lives. And Love creates the wonder called pleasure not the other way round. When there is no love, and ones approach is just for lust, the result is unhappiness, it is simply regret!!! Or that’s gonna called as a pointless act of a cowards.

Fall in love again and again with the same person, or until you find the true love of your life, there is no offence as long as you don’t harm a soul, but search it through hearts or otherwise and stop only when you feel your heart is leaping for someone else’s. Cause at the moment you find your love, you know that’s it, that’s the beginning of something unusual and you would become dumb with thousand words dancing at the tip of your tongue for him/her. You will feel swayed and floating, completely mute to the loudness of the hearts thumping together.

Love is not just a feeling to be cradled in the heart, it has to be shown, sometimes in its most vigorous demeanors. Don’t hold it, don’t try to supply it little by little, just open up your heart as wide as possible and simply let the doves of love fly away high in air to intense freedom. Let love flush out and wet your lover, there is no sin showing love the way you want, it’s a sin only when you hide it, only when you try to refuse to “give”….

Dedication to her

And she flew away

Just as a fledgling

Hatching in to her world-

A place of only hers

And she hides away

Simply, as if interrupting a game

Refusing to reveal herself

At the end of a peek-a-boo

A centre point, a link of union,

A jingling bell, a tinkling chime

An alarm, a reminder,

That was she, our tiny hummingbird…