Death!

How easily we say things like "i ll kill you".."hey that stupid fella died".."Go kill yourself"'..How easily we say hey Lillians dad died..or johns brother died in an accident..and etc etc..How easily we says it all..How easy is that world to be pulled out from your mouth or write down in a paper..D.E.A.T.H!! a very short but haunting letter in at least my dictionary now.. its not it haunting me its the pain behind it..its the pain of not being able to see touch hug kiss someone..its the pain you feel when suddenly someone disappear from your life and never come back..

Its true that, they leaves happily..coz they gets free from the ties and suffering that the earthly life got to give them. they also says its the end of their one part of life and they rebirths..whatsoever, the one person who have been on your side who cared you helped you loved you, did a lot of things for you and was a part of your world suddenly says goodbye from life..they not only push us in to a hole of sorrow but also leaves a unfillable space beside us..that space will follow you everywhere even if you try to shove it away..you can only delete the messages from your mobile..but erasing the memories from your own head is one of the impossible tasks..it pops up like a burned toast every time you visit certain places..you smell certain odours..you eat certain food..and when you do so many things that you might have done with that particular person.. to die is eazy..whoever can do that..even the most fearful ones would do it but..its the people around them who suffers with that aching bleeding hole they stab at the centre of our hearts..

This is for my sister(cousin) who at times used to hate me..for snatching her shoes..for snatching her own sister..for avoiding her saying she not big enough to be in our company..and when she was big enough..when she felt she is big enough she took her life by herself..leaving all of us mourning..and wanting her to be back in our group to share all those secrets we kept from her for such long time..Now that you are gone..all those secrets are simply circulate in our minds like invisible dust particles in an empty jar..they cries with us sometime..and at times they makes us cry..

I pray god!..Where ever you are..you get a long life this time..and don't hurt them leaving them abandoned halfway like you did to us..

Love you always..!! <3

The Eternal Alchemy!

Its me most of the time. yes, the person who really can keep me up, the one who really can control and console me, the guide, the pathfinder, the inspirer, all those devils and angels who brought me to where i am now 's ME! No one can change me, none can influence me, cause it was always me. The one person i am deeply in love with is to MYSELF..!!

What is my world? My world is first MYSELF and then it extends it tails, nails, roots and so many nerves spreading out in to different parts and i called them my parents, my siblings, my friends, my cousins, my relatives and so on... Now what am I? thats one big question! I am just an atom! I moves in the same direction and motion as all other atoms does. All i have to do is sit back and go with the flow. Cause there really isnt anything i should do to change this world coz it change by its own no matter what i do. no matter how much strength and strain i put in to it. Chillax people..this is the real chemistry..and someone is adding acids diluting concentrating and doing lot of stuffs we really have no idea about,,some of us gets burned or die in the process, some of us lose memory, some of us change colour, some of us infuse some others defuse, some of us becomes invisible and some of us simply disappears...panic, worry, grieve! do all this but no use coz through that you are only losing your energy, it dont change the pattern, it wont stop the process, it simply goes on...and on..!!

This is an eternal alchemy! Life is an eternal alchemy!  

Right Now!

What will i say..?? Oh god!! this is great..all i can tell u is that this is one of the greatest times of my life..i may forget this..my memories may turn in to a pile of dirty papers back under the long heap.. but i am sure the piece of happiness i enjoys now is - a good piece of chocolate tart right in front of me while i am hungry like a very starved beggar. i don't know what else to say... Some nice music and a little milder tranquillizer canned in the green tin.. oh holy crap.. i am on the peaks now..i wish if my life coils and linger around this moment...love all around me..i dont know if its what that lies inside me brakes out in to freedom and flush out in the air,,spreading it like a rose petals fragrance...

All of you who reads this.. i know it can be sometimes just me..but i know i am in a crowd right now but none of you notices my shouts..all are busy i know.. this world is a business place at the moment!! hey i heard you, u called me sick and insane.. yeah i am insane..!! but i calls me the one sanest person  left in this whole world..!!! I am different.. am i different?? i dont know i wish to call me so.. i am different.. coz i hate that,..i hate to become one in the machines thats strolls along the globes greens chopping the lush like crazy cattle..!! the button eyed monsters!!

Be Fresh!

As always, confused! i dont know where my train is taking me to. I dont know if i am in the right wagon and i wagon is on the right rail. But i feel positive recharged and re-energized today. There isnt any particular reason that i can pin up and show u all. may be i am happy because there is nothing. Yes nothingness can make a person utterly happy and content. Imagine this, you got nothing to think about, like you dip yourselves in to deep pool or a  sea, you feel that detachment- i am talking about the good one, the detachment from the noises and tensions and pressures of the dry part of this world, which we mistakenly believe that is the colourful side of the planet. I feel relaxed like i am naked, free from the weight of my cloths, from the elasticity of my bra that suffocates me most of the time, with each breath i take with the hooks on, i feels that it not only helps me keep my figure in tact but also squeeze in my trachea (i just googled it) the tube through which we respires. No ties, no knots and no elastic.. Oh My God i dont even want to imagine about the pain of wearing a tummy tucker or a shaper or squeezer or something like that. Well that doesn't make me a person who don't be presentable but i would go for the natural way of holding air inroder to make my fat belly look flat.. I wish i could remember my times walking in the woods naked and leading a life like monkeys- I am talking about my previous births (I am sure i had one)..

So about today! its just a day, like everyday but, all i can tell you is this that, its quite, i dont get to listen to the daily irritating buzzing of the world, may be its the thunder thats singing a non-stop opera from the morning behind the closed silver curtains..i love it..i love its peak when it suddenly roar like a lioness and then get back to the soothing tone..The weather looks different since yesterday and i am loving it like i have seen my maid dressed up in a different cloth once in a while..I am back to my lonely pleasurable time..spending time watching movies, cookery.. reading and i am reading a classic now Jane Austen's  "Sense & sensibility" which was written in 1800 :) Two hundred and fourteen years ago..wow..she still lives in the book. 200 years sounds..just 200 years but! the changes that the mankind encountered from then and now is massive..an equal mixture of good and bad i would say..i want the needled to e balanced at neutral.

Its a pleasant day for me. Without any specific reason. Or may be i am calling it pleasant is coz i am alive to see another morning noon evening and if the clock called life permits, tonight too.. When i look back..i realize that i am not the same person who used to be a 10 years ago, the fresh grace and the blush is slowly diminishing but i wont allow that to wipe out completely from me. I used to believe that  youth is when you are in your teens or early twenties but thats wrong. Youth is not an age criteria..its about a personality..no matter your grace diminish, white spreads your crown if you have that punch in you like that goddamn cocktale that always bring your energy up and make you dance even if your legs shiver..You can do anything thats available in this world..anything! all you need is to collect your courage and grab that stuff..its never late for anything to be achieved..its never late to go to a grammar class..its never late to join a health-club..its literally never late if you are alive..all one needs is to be breathing, but positively..

Do you know? Most of us are scared to get on a roller coaster or giant wheel or do a river rafting or bungee jumping. They calls it an adventure sport or they calls people doing it adventurous. I would say life is the greatest adventure. Its like you are in a maze for the whole time, you get lost, you find out the treasure and opens the door to another may be critical maze through your life, yes the beginning stages will e quite easy for you..and it gets tougher through each levels..A maze! imagine, amid the green walls..the narrow path..just close your eyes and think about the challenges we had to face in our past..do you think we are not enough courageous to sky-dive..?? We are all born with great powers. We use it whenever we requires it practically..We are all capable of doing what the-so-called-rocket scientists are doing..but one problem that we are not interested in rocket science.. everything in your life is about your mentality..what takes you to the bad is your ill knowledge..or your lack of concentration or enthusiastic or introversion..they are rich, they are talented, they are fare and you are nothing is the first thing one got to wipe from their head..we wouldn't know if someone is having a crush on us for they thinks we are talented or something..

All i wanna say is that. be confident about yourself. god never creates any of his works thats useless. hes a great artist. he fixed the appropriate engine in you and your job is to find it out and master it..the world needs it..and thats the only thing you can give back to the great creator..you shouldn't be just an instrument..value yourself before you praise others..wake up in the morning..go to the bathroom and spent some time grooming yourself..you think you want a change, cut your hair..trim a new beard..or change your lipstick and do everything that makes you feel that you own one of the most beautiful features..its all about inner beauty, i know that..if you are beautiful from inside that will reflect on your face..and being beautiful will make you confident and that builds the inner beauty too.. so both works hand in hand..one for the other and other of the one all time..

Be happy..do everything that makes you happy..buy it, take it, make it, do it all for yourself..a happy you is a happy surrounding..you don't know how important you are and sometimes the one god choose to deliver his miracles through can be you..you are never a material of someone else's pleasure but someone born to make a difference in this world..

Cheers..!!

A Cinder Cone

And my heart swelled

Watching his lips tremble

As he uncover the sorrow that was spreading in

In between the walls of his tender heart

The love he lay upon her

Was all wasted and left unwanted

He suppressed the fire that burnt him

Within him like a volcanic mountain

It fumed letting him crawl with pain

As the feeling of desertion bubbled up,

He let the snow warp him

Making it to give the world a false facade

I dare not, to question

I fear not, to take a part of his ache  

That’s striked at the centre of his heart

And I let that never, to tear him apart

Unwanted, unloved and neglected

Like a tormented slave for life

He stills alive next to her

Curled up on one side of the same bed

Waiting for her to come back

Forgotten and forgiven 

The pain she made him to endure...

Just to say a HELLO to my Girls!!

ahh!! here, i can smell that rustic muddy smell that of an on Library. a book fungus smell, that always used to hint me about how long i have not entered the room. I loved it even though it gave allergies to a lot around there. I can hear my voice echo in here, as if i was gone for a long holiday and come back to receive a lonely home of mine. I see how lifelessness can create this many changes to the lifeless bricks. or how much a lifeless block of bricks can be lively with the presence of Life! Our voice, our touch, our air... there something is mysterious.. i think there really is no point in being negative coz we itself are made of positivity's and we spoil us by adding the dirt in to the crystal clean spring of our soul and making it dark, the more we add negativities the more we become dark and lost..

I have been doing many things these days, and i found that it still took away my time like a cotton candy exposed in the air. Birth and Death, the commence and finale. In between is where the fun exist. the stop-watch is running, seconds after seconds in a quick walk and we wont know when the button is pressed to stop! that is mandatory and none can stop, i know all this but in between the start and the end, i want to mark my existence marked somewhere that i ll be remembered in a good way even after years of my being not alive on this blue ball. Everything is incredible. Sorrows are the chilly flakes on top of the pizzas, its hot but that's what makes it taste different and good. I know this, i know most of it but i know that i don't know everything. :)

I came here today to say a BIGH HI to my girls. Who have been with me through out the time since we met and i can feel it. We dont speak that much or chat or haven't met in many months or a year or two but i can feel your presence. I can see that i am not alone what ever damn i do. This is why i love you all. This feeling is what that made me come here today and open the door that really creaked. Its dirtied by the spider webs that out grown to look like a rusted mesh in most of the corners. and i see our old posts and photos all dusty too! i wiped it with my hand and it made my gloves look like yuck, still reading a few lines from the words behind the glass frame made me all go heart-wiggling!!! And butterflies in my tummy!! Good old Girly days! I miss that, i dont listen to enrique, i dont walk in the rain, i dont look up at the berths in the train, and i dont do a lot of things that i always loved to do, only because i....i....because i miss you terribly guys...i miss us...and i dont want to do that without you....i know i cant find time to chat with you or call you or get in touch with you but have time to write it here...i have time to write it here because i may not be able to tell all this to all of you using my tongue, that would crush me in to powder like a delicate cookie...i cannot do this talk as good as i did it here. I have always felt that this place is our heart, we are four equal pieces of IK4 and what ever i scribble here would reach you all some way...I love you...I miss you...come back some time...this used to be our park bench where we spent a lot of our evenings, this used to be our coffee shop at the corner where we used to chit-chat and limitlessly laughed...i can see it covered by dried leaves, waiting for us to clear it and have a seat again, i can hear our unclear conversation still echoes within the dark corners of the cafe. I am trying to breath-out that nausea of our nostalgia thats really hurting at the centre of my heart..!!

take care and i wish i find anyone of you waiting here the next time i steps in...

The Culprit Called “Invention”

The dusty pale evenings, when I come back home carrying the heaviness of knowledge on my shoulders that always ached with a rash of red lines on both sides… I would wait for your call, snacking on the rusks and a steaming tea thickened with fresh cow’s milk. With my messed up two side plaits with the ribbons on I would run in to your arms as compassionately as I would do it to my sisters if I ever had… the box games, the kitchen games and many other deeds… I would still remember us climbing on the trees to pluck mangoes guavas and wax apples carrying it in the bundle of the skirts we wore. The days when we waited for the sugar candy seller’s bell and the run without slippers through the rocks and stones and mud to catch him, getting the candy in a news paper cone and walking back to home with blushing giggles…

It was different. Way very different. Things had changed a lot through these couple of decades. People are more arrogant and self centered. Even the sun is harsh and hard. What changed it all? Where did it go wrong? There doesn’t exist anything ordinary in anyone’s lives. Regardless of the fact that ordinary was the thing -The original, most pure and harmless. When we try to divert our lives to modernity, shortening the roads to the minute switches or touches on a hand phone we are literally missing the beauty that used to make us cheer through the whole way we travel to fulfill our needs… the crystal clear streams that we jumped over, the log bridges, the woods, the lakes, the green patches the water falls… the butterflies that confused our path..the dragon flies..the bees..the birds the wild flowers, what a vibrant scene! I wish I get another chance to watch it just once at least…

I could find myself evolved over time in some ways, but I know how much I value the real stuffs. How much I love to get rid of the irritations that technologies present with pride and simply enjoy the coolness of the water in the old pond beside the old temple we always used to visit. The emerald green pond abode to tiny fishes and weeds. The way the water massage the feet, the sound of mantras the priest chants with the bells ringing and the divine smell of camphor and incense from the temple rejuvenate to the depths is totally an out-of-the-universe feeling, aaah, that deep fill of fresh and fragrant air!!! I wish if I cans store a little of it in a box for my children.

What I understood about this era is that’s its digging an easy way to death by leading an easy life. No hardship, no struggles and absolutely no idea about how to be humane. The whole affair revolves around finite expensive toys. Majority of the mankind take birth with half-grown brain and character defects. Children know superheroes, monsters and aliens but not their uncle’s aunts and neighbors. It beeps when the weather updates in the smart phone, but they never tend to spare a few minutes to observe the beauty of the sky turning in to dark, dragging the moist wind from some long distance, the leafs and even dust blown in the air concluding to pour down all in a sudden washing away every single dirt from both body and mind. A Total purification! How blessed are we by the nature. It’s all wasted and left out to perish, silly and unwanted.

The modern parents have made themselves a slave out of their parenthood. They work day and night earn and spent it on whatever their children obstinate which becomes manure for a child’s over stubbornness. They are all growing spoilt. One thing we should all keep in mind regardless of how much we love and care for our children is this that a need always fulfilled would turn them lazy and crazy. They find it as a technique to have themselves done nothing to gain something. Let them know about the hardship you take to get your children things they want. Teach them to know the value of everything, including relationships. Allow them to work hard and get things what they want so that they would treasure it for their life. It’s not nice to sacrifice your whole life for your children. It’s a sin; it would turn in to a curse to them. Don’t spoil your health and youth to build a promising life for your offsprings. Rather live life wisely and happily, loving each other and everyone, showing kindness and compassion, being emotional at times, hug, kiss, cry. They are not your life; they are, yes but a part of your life. Bring the real stuffs out, make life visible to your children and they would learn from it, which will eventually make them grow with wisdom. It is your duty to raise your children but its not your duty to mislead them. A person becomes strong through hard work and determination. If you feed them whenever they cry, you are literally closing the door for them to be on their own destiny. Let them wander, let them fall, let them get up without a helping hand and there you build a wise person and there you become a real parent. Turn back and look at the initial days of your marriage and now! You would find a huge difference in the both. You would see a pair of love birds transformed in to a pair of robots. Don’t let that happen to you because even this affects your children, they grow watching you. They observe everything. You are their role models. So be a good life partner, love, do things together, understand and do your duties. That’s it!

I think it’s time to go back and adapt the olden styles. We bring back the fashion. We yells “stay classy.!!”. Let’s implement the way of living too in the olden way. Let’s go to farming and fishing, let’s travel in country boats and carts, lets barter. How simple it is.  I plant tomatoes, you plant potatoes. You give me three potatoes in exchange of three tomatoes and there will be rice planters, wheat planters, Coconut planters, fruit planters, we do the same with every one of them, thus we build a stronger society, helping is what? A smile on the face, a tear in the eyes, it’s the real happiness. Lets row the boat, lets tug a cart and lets don’t fight over oil and coal. Why is life getting expensive? Because of the demand. Why are certain things high on demand? Because of the usage. If you don’t buy cars the same number as the members in the family, Sir. Saddam Hussein would be still alive, living happily with his children and grand children. Iraq would have been one among the paradises on earth. Why war? War is a byproduct of Greed. I only have this single line explanation for this. Nothing else! So let’s transform back to the classic ways and everything will be sorted out. I know this will sound impractical; you may point your finger at me. I admit, I am ready to go back and live a peaceful life. I understand that things had changed so much and its hard to take a step down. But I give this word, a step down from this crazy world would help you gain a lite head. It’s the only way to simplify life. Let’s don’t strive. Just say No to science and inventions. The world would still have remained a paradise, if god fixed a smaller brain in the human skulls..!! 

Qui audet adipiscitur/ he who dares wins

I plant the last seed of life

In the barren dying earth

Foreseeing nothing but

Humane sprouts shooting out

I searched for a stream

Or a pond to water

But all I brought back was

Nothing but disappointment

I find no way out

To regret and give up

So with deepest compassion

I nurture it with my tears

And I fence it with my arms

On this day as I wheezed for

Some fresh air before I depart the life

A wind of faith was blown

Ventilating my whole, my soul

By the last heir of a dumb world

And the mother of the next

I found her, adorn in green

Head held high like a warrioress

Strongly determined to

Paint this world again Green…

The Boon

I grow old

I grow matured

As this process goes on

I grow fonder to myself

My beauty, my abilities

My credentials and caliber

As one observes their garden

I observe my face my body

Sometimes into the hollow of my soul

I scorch upon finding grays

I shudder watching me wrinkle

And the pain just gets worse

When my memories fade

I would still love you

I would still need you

But what if the last hint of

You too vanish

I would rather pray

For a boon to take my life

While I still know your face

And close my eyes watching you…

Evolution

The rough boulders smooth

And shapes in to curves

People too change over time

But the other way round sometimes

Soft and sweet to rude and bitter

I see the nature evolves better

Men tend to harden

And alters to form the rock

The rock of pride

The unpalatable shapeless stone

That is of no use to itself

Or others surround…