.::from the MUDs to the METROs::.

the roads are sealed well..i can not find a single electricity post or lines on the road side..the cars are parked orderly..signal posts are working in a designed periodic manner..vehicles do not over take..people do not cross unless it shows walkers signal.. advanced!! my country has developed!! these were all in every youngsters dream when i was young..instead of the old trolley tea shops.. i saw mobile restaurants, bars and even toilets.a true copy of west..that is what i saw when i landed kerla[not kerala as we used to pronounce long back] after 15 years..it was raining out side, i thought to buy an umbrella instead of using rain coat as i use abroad because i thought people would laugh if they see me that way cause they were like that. a middle aged women was not allowed to follow fashions(as they call it) regardless of thinking about her convenience..that was my place.. Women was always dominated by men and a woman's enemy was another women..

my country has grown young!! while i started to paint my hairs brown.. :)..

We never turned back after we four migrate over seas searching for a place which fits us.. it was a long voyage.. we had to fight to get in equal to the foreign standards..we survived..with our enough strong eight hands..and a single HEART..thats we IK4..the every new roads gradually became used..with the most powerful determination we made our troubles a heaven!! being girls of a just developing country and being girls of an always disputing society, this migration crowned us with diamond dignity..

This quadruple of spinsters has flown as high as an Eagle!!

It was four of ours wish to come back..before our feathers rip..and finally decided to send one among us as a messenger to the long lost native.

here i am to face the unexpected!! there was no metro rail..there was no fly overs apart from those over the railway lines..when we fly years back we had only 03 airports in this state..calicut,cochin and trivandrum..now the number has raised to several. I have one in my birth place too.. but i booked it for Cochin..yes our own Cochin!! the place which presented us, US!!.. at that time the most developed city was this.. almost all youngsters commute to this place for work/education purposes.. this was a great business center too with the Cochin port as a major shipping lot in the state and in fact one in the few international ports in the country..the city had the crumbles of Portuguese styles every where..in the churches, markets, streets and houses.. every where..

it always gave a different feel while we roam around the old cloth bazaar street to get stuffs at the most cheapest prices..the sunny days at the marine drive..with the hot backwater breeze on our face..yes!! it was bit stinky ;) but we were least bothered about..

i am afraid our old hang out places are swiped out and replaced by new..our old "Oven" and "abad food court" the congested college road..it was never eazy even to walk through that place...the local people were so eager to pinch and rub at the backs of every gals passing by..and used to see verbal fights all the way long... :) how many of such nasty fellows ran off having slaps from IK4 he he.. :)

the first place i wanted to visit was our Cochin North Railway station.. the place which lived with us fr almost 02years..my cab took the way to my intended destination..some roads are lined with trees in between.. and finely created traffic islands..with beautifully carved sculptures.. just like the ones we saw at Paris and Italy..
i parked my car and purchased the "Terminal entry Card" worth 250bucks!! there are so many counters and behind the counters not even one executive aged than 35.. every one in black coats and ties..huh!! great..if this was the situation in our times we would be always in front of the counters especially me n paachu..Unbelievable!! our old N.station has 04 terminals now.. n i cant see even one old red engines any where..and the whole building is remarkably molded..huh what all changes?? m sure munnu/paachu n pangu wud be shocked hearing this...and they will refuse to believe my words!!

i went through the security screen-er to see the very same wagon in front of my eyes with automatic sensor doors just like the same we used to see in Hollywood movies while young..a dozen of fashionably dressed people came out from exit door and some people getting in through "enter" door.. i folded in to four my wish to board the train like we used to do years back..fight..pulling and pushing..kicking and scratching..ha ha!! years taught them discipline..happy at the same time disappointed to see this..

i walked through the wide expanded platform of the terminal01- i couldn't see the sky it was covered with a steel ceiling shield..and white minute CFL(compact fluorescent Lamps)were glaring from top of my head at every poles.. an artificial fat lady holing a basket was standing under evry light poles.. she was cute..if i hadn't go for workouts all these years people would mistake me as her twin sis :) :)trust me!! thanks for munnu.. who always struggled to wake me up in the morning.. i remember she even poured buckets of water on me to get me awake..at this moment being in an unfamiliar crowd..i wish all of you around me holiding hands in each others..

The old snack shops were replaced with multi cuisine restaurants..Chinese, Italian, Arabic, continental, south Indian etc etc.. there are boutique shops.. toy shops.. gamer area.. music world.. jewelry and much more..the fact is that we are all bored of the fashions and technological stuffs and was willing to come back to our motherland and re settle..but sitting here in this air conditioned "HERS" waiting room..i saw the imaginary disappointed 03 faces of my buddies who would call me in some time to get the news of their old sand..i am confused what to answer,,..better dot pick the call..- i thot

i switched on my handy video recorder..and shot evry thing around me, knowing that i am not recording anything uncommon to us in Swiss.. to my surprise i saw a girl coming out of the toilet with dangling legs..shes drunk and smelt liquor.. how dare shes!! we never had this much courage oh lord!! she lit a cigarette.. and puffed on my face.. i rose to hit her but controlled myself.. the respectful kids of this land has vanished to no where..how dirtily they are behaving to elderly people??? if it was my kid...i would have punched her nose to bleed..

i came here to explore the olden beauty of my country's nature which i never noticed when i passed a thousand times..i never thought i would not miss it like this any time in my life..but now...i do!! i miss my country.. which no longer exist.. its exploited!! exploited to the farthest extreme..

from there i took my walk to the small temple.. our "akka's" place.. the young lady..who was our strength..who answered to all of our confusions..i turned a circle to find our short cut to there but there is no passage..with a glare of distress on my face i walked to the exit door and swiped the platform card.. as soon as i am out from the door.. an office took it back from me and said good bye.. Development is necessary.. i wished for the same.. but now realize that it always spoils the innocence..Its only now i noticed the segments of vehicles in front of the station.. a new shaped rickshaws are lined in one segment, behind that cars and behind that seat-in couches.. Brilliant work!!

while i was recalling the times when we walked accross this place..my hand phone annunced - "Home..- call mode- urgent...Home..- call mode- urgent".. my throat got jammed..and i felt like i will fall down.. i picked up with all my energy.. and 3 voices rushed together.."achu whats it goin on baby?? hows our place?? hows it being back at our country??" me: its all fine..i m recording it..will send the videos to you shortly.. "you do whatever..enjoy the sun & sky there..but let us hear the announcements..long time..not heard"..i heard paachu mimicking "yaathriyoon ka dhyan keliye..gaadi number theen shoonya shoonya aatt..platform number ek par khadi hai" and three of them burst in to a big laughter..

How will i tell thm?? nothing here remains as the same when we left..years molded everything..each curves and corners..shapes and styles..everything...

i asked the passers by the way to that old temple..how unfortunate that none of the youngsters knew where it is located..i took my way beyond my predictions and ran my eyes all over around.. my bad eye sight did help me this time..i saw a gate a gate in between two giant building just like the door you will see at central jail.. with "amma narayana" written board ..i ran to that direction.. there were only few people inside..i saw so many ladies of my age sitting on the floor mat..thank god!! nathing seemed so changed inside except the furnishing.. our akka is still on her old posture.. but our old banyan tree disappeared.. which so many times make laughing noises when ever we were happy..the old well is there but the old view to the railway is totally brick covered.. it gave me a feel like even gods are kept in a cubicle..our old thirumeni and the old man was no longer there.. i stand stood in front of her and rang the bell.. i strong wind blew my hairs high.. i prayed for evryone.. my eyes filled with tears started to roll down uncontrollably..i had the holy water and prashad..promised her that i will bring the other 03 and left the gate..i wanted to see the place where i met with that accident but it was not there...it is a car parking lot of a high sky building now..

i felt unfamiliar..did i came through the wrong path??

i roam about here and there..with a wish to collide with a acknowledge-able faces..but everyone were totaly in a strange mask..

i asked a question several times in my mind" why am i here??"

WE left here feeling there s no one here who wants to belong us, but we had a wish that there will be the same innocent smiling faces to welcome us while we make a visit to take a break from the materialistic human beings in the WEST!!

after walking for long i reach the old St. Antony's Church which was expanded charmingly..and a few people sicked on the 07 steps in front of the prayer hall..a giant status of St. Antony holding Lil Jesus was placed at the center of the hall..i walked forward and entered the church... the altar was the same as before.. but bit polished.. and there are two huge brown carpets on both sides of the walk way.. i missed the old cold chips floor.. i stood on my knees, closed my eyes and went years back.. the floor here has so many times wet with my tears..today i want to accomplish one of my wish, a wish i kept closed in my mind..to lay on the floor and curl fr some moment..years back i couldn't do that coz.. i feared the people around me.. but now.. none are bothered about the other.. i slowly placed myself on the floor horizontally..i felt like i am falling down from a high to a feather bed..


i felt if i have my sweethearts around me.i miss the fights and cries and laughs we had for the whole long years...we wakes up,together we eat,together we cook, shop, walk, wash,everything together.i miss the times we used to sit silently at the beach and suddenly burst out to laugh with no reasons..the jogging in the morning.. birthday celebrations..smal smal trips..singing in d midnight forget evryone and evrythin around..the burned cookies :D and etc etc wow..better be back..thats it.. while i was thinking all this some thing interrupted me.. and turned back and saw a guy n gal kissing vigorously.. and everyone except me was siting quitely with no difference as nothing has happened..i felt like laughing..this i never expected here..i had seen it several times in swiss and its not a big thing there.. but here...oh god.. lemme run out...

i put my rucksack on my back and walked out..

i didnt had any idea to go to the multi storied malls and pubs operating like mushrooms in the city.. i walked to fort cochin,the sea shore has changed to a night beach party location..music..fire..and lots of gals n guys hold bottles of beer...drinking and moving their steps for the rhythm of the music.. the air of westernization has swallowed my green land..i saw the youth abused by dope and drinks.. there is no longer a space for us who dream for the old innocent country and people..

I walked past to the Old church in fort Cochin.. its was covered in green..no one have time to paint the fungus out of the walls and keep it look clean..my foot steps echoed inside the church..it stroked on the altar and returned to me as a wind.. i got the first sign of invitation some where in ma country..i realized what ever change the divine power does not.. i kneel down and placed my every fingers cuddle to pray for the ruined culture of my land..ma soul was aching overseeing ma friends expression if they happen to come here..

i got up on ma feet to sit on the bench..the sound of a dove cooing from the church vault soothed ma mind..the fragrance of peace brood the entire area..i chanted mismatching words limitlessly.. so as to get an answer for my several questions..i stared at the cross..the face of the Christ became gave the extremely pathetic sight than before..as if he is regretting for the divine sacrifice..regretting for the present world..the wounds on him looked cryptic than ever..i felt like its bleeding..tears rushed in ma eyes..my vision blurred..and i felt his wounds are glazing with hot dark blood..it become dark..and cold inside...i shrink inside myself to protect me from going paralyzed of the iciness..there was only one candle burning underneath the cross-foot.a thin yellow light was spreaded around the area of altar..the long frozen fear inside me arose..i never had to be alone..i was always in any one of paatch,munnu or pangus company..now i m scared of everything..i felt like..i will get frozen to death now on the very same bench in the church i am sitting..folding ma legs up to ma chest and hugging myself..

i wept and longed for their shoulder to lean on..i never cried alone..it was we four..who cries together..laughs together..i never was alone like this..so much alone..ignorant..

this is the time..the time one will get by only chance in the life time..a night alone with the creator..i confessed my mistakes..even though i am not baptized..i felt my mistakes from birth upto this time is forgiven..

it was dead silence..except form the whistling wind..the sound of blown doors..and my tight breath..so many images passed ma mind..so many faces..terrific is it when you look back to the life..love always hurts..love itself is a pain..but we love that pain..that's women.. women are used of having pains.. :)

suddenly i felt a hot palm on my shoulder..i raised my eyes but didnt turned back..the skin is familiar..the heard the sound of gasp produced when some one tries to hold laugh..it cant be any thief..they wont get anything form a church..it cant be the father or any nuns at this time of night..then who???

yes that can be only them..i turned back to be surprised as always..to find them.."IK4"..

i was happy like in heaven!!..i jumped from the bench to the back over them..to hear them saying.. "how did you expect us to leave you alone??"

We sat there hugging each other for a long time..atlas
paachu said : lets go..this is no longer the place for us.
Me: how did you people came?
pangu: stupid we already booked ticket along with you
munnu: thats y we did call you when we go to purchase the tickets
me: oh so thats evrything planned?
paachu: so what say? surprised.
me: if you gals are not here now i would die by mornin
munnu: stop it achu,,,now we are here
pangu: and we will prepond the tickets. lets get back..
me: ya..i dont wana go anywhere..lets just get lost from here... :(
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we were woken up by an old lady with full of wrinkles on her face..her eyes resembled us..a feel of disappointment for having living in a world truly unfamiliar for people of our age..she smiled and said..no hurry girls..none are expected here..as a ritual of my own conscience..i regularly comes here to clean the church and the premises.. good to see people like you here..

we watched her sweeping and wiping the crucifix..we said good bye to her..and was about leave..but the alarm i set in ma video recorder rang that stopped us..as if Jesus wanted us to take a photo of the place with we all together to frame it forever as a reminder that.. everything is momentary..life changes fast so the people...