The one Nomadic journey @ end of the year..

it was 8:30 PM on the 29th Dec 12. the vehicle waited for more than 3 hours for us.it was impossible to sack up these guys, you grab one..you lose one. and then all set to have the last blast of the year,,we depart jolting the whole place with the good-bye roar..!! the travel was planned in some other way, after a long discussion the guys decided we all travel in a single vehicle..i was a little worried thinking that there are 4 full days to spent with them as i know they got a weird habit of irritating women.. :) but by god's grace they were all quite..may be because of the spirituality grown in them :)..this prediction can be a mistake..anyways

the fun started with a toast and then it was a bottom-sip game encouraging each other with claps and howls.. that destroyed my sheepishness completely and then i was naked from the consciousnesses of this and that..good and bad..and dark and bright..i will be totally me than ever when the spirits of wines overflow in  making a half drowsy state..it helps me not to keep unspoken arguments and questions..it gives my throat a freedom from hush..and it pulls out the love i store deep inside to share a warm kiss..We stopped somewhere for the chauffeur's supper and order something to help us as well.. the guys amused us with their natural pranks and we joined them too.. being childish is good at all times.. cause it spreads innocence.. and an act of innocence cant hurt one..

the music played uproariously and the souls sprang in joy..the drowsiness become infectious and soon spreader all over inside the van..everyone of us bounced in freedom until our knees sore and the subconsciousness leveled to unconsciousness..the van drove in silence for good miles..a puking irritation interrupted the ghosting sail and made me rise up to stop it on the deserted highway.. snores of relief vibrated inward. i steeped out and sat right on the ground with splited legs. i took and few stomach full of breaths to get rid of the nauseousness..the head was churning and my vision dragged things to be a mess..he followed me and rested on the steps of the van..even if he was lethargic and badly sleepy..it was comforting to see him behind me..

dehydration waked me up, i gulped in a jug of water to fight my thrust..we stopped at Karwar Ship museum. (the warship I.N.S Chapel  has been transferred in to museum which was brought from Russia served the Indian army during the India-Pakistan war in 1971.) There wasn't enough time to explore the museum. we had to keep the history safe in the air unknown..as we were all troubled with natures call in the morning and were busy searching for some public toilets. unfortunately we had to control the sensations until we reach our hotel. As there wasn't any other ways we fuse in to a small chit-chat while perceiving the road to goa. The weather was transforming from dry/cold to humid/hot and our skin formed small bubbles of sweat here and there..We had to halt at the state border for the driver to take entry permit..we used this time to jiggle in a street-food vendor and ordered omelets and breads and a cheese potato sandwich for the veggies..i took bites from both and enjoyed a little mischief's taking advantage of the youngest position given..

We started spoting half naked white-man, tanned-white girls in sarongs and bikini's, goan-aunts in frocks and  a lot of cultural difference..the van approaching our destination took us through small but neat roads drawn between colorful cloth shops, marvelous antique and handicrafts shops, wines and bars and luscious street food centers, cashew shops where you will get the best fenny in the world (people says you will get it only in Goa), bikini-shops, tattoo saloons and spas, beach sports shop and so on..there is more in this list about goa.. Goa was ruled by Portuguese for 4 centuries and that shows in the architecture and life style which is rare..

Finally we reached our hotel after 15 hours. It was a serviced apartment and we were asked to wait in the restaurant opposite to the hotel (where me and my husband 'Dilroop Kurikkalot' stayed last time) an androgynous boy came for assistance he served a nice sweet coffee and then we ordered a good pizza, noodle, fried rice and fruit salads..we ladies freshen up by the time the guys lingered on the balcony prattling nonsense, stalking the women passers by and in between some spiritual topics - this is inevitable since there is an all time spiritual being in the gang.. :). it was evening by the time very one freshen up.our only intention for this trip was to be part of the FTV Play New Year Eves Party and hence without spending any more time on sightseeing or beach bathes we set out in search of Candolim beach where it was going to happen. Being nice to the chauffeur we let him sleep as he drove the whole night and we went on walk with the guidelines of GPS..that literally misguided us and made us walk some extra kilometers..the walk..the wander through the small tight street that open a bar/restaurant in front of every houses..took us in close contact with a lot of drunk n doped..this place is like an open ground where rules and regulations sway out..wanderlust..it brings freedom..it takes you close to the spirit and nothing seems important..but it was love that has always hold me back from diluting into nowhere..it was pleasure to at least feel it at once.. The walk grabbed me to the pages of the book i read years back;"The Zahir" - by Sir. Paulo Coelho..the mention about "nomads"..

[According to the tradition of the steppes—which is known as the 

Tengri—in order to live fully, it is necessary to be in constant movement; only then can 

each day be different from the last. When they passed through cities, the nomads would 

think: The poor people who live here, for them everything is always the same. The people 

in the cities probably looked at the nomads and thought: Poor things, they have nowhere 

to live. The nomads had no past, only the present, and that is why they were always 

happy. 

“What’s a nomad?” someone asks.

“People who are free and manage to live with only what they can carry. they are not poor” 

“What do you know about poverty?”-someone asks to the nomad

The Nomad answers: “Do you really think that poverty has to do with having no money? Do you think we’re miserable wretches just because we go around begging money from rich writers and guilt-ridden couples, from tourists who think how terribly squalid Paris has become or from idealistic young people who think they can save the world? You’re the one who’s poor—you have no control over your time, you can’t do 

what you want, you’re forced to follow rules you didn’t invent and which you don’t understand…” ]

doesn't that make sense..?? this night-one of he last nights of this year has given me an idea about how happy the said nomads would be..we roam around through the wrong roads..finding throbbing pubs, dark restaurants open exclusively for candle-lit dinners and the beach sand that sink our each step deep in, making the stroll difficult. Somehow we were there, paid and collected the entry passes and left with a grin..aspiration fulfilled.. after the long walk we thought of relaxing somewhere..just next to the resort there was a pleasant place available set in a garden where drinks were served..run by an old husband and wife. We ordered two bottles of cashew fenny which is the country liquor of goa and some snacks..8 glasses with the mixture of  lemon flavor soft drink water and fenny toast for the day, the tickets and New year..we passed a toast to the white couples next table and they return one back..glasses emptied..filled..emptied and filled..silence break and noises rise..it was cheer all around.. endless talks.. nonstop teasing..and a lot of care and love..whats great than this..?? The gang bang attracted two white hand drummers and they entertained us for a while..it usually happens the other way round, the Indians entertain them but with us everything was different..smirk smirk..!!  :P


The spirit  diffused all over us and then it was time for singing..i shouted the lyrics out and at times in good tunes even though i am not a good singer..but sanya..she was excellent in this..this was her first try of fenny and she unveiled all that was aching in her mind..it was emotional, he disappeared with her while i still shout some lines out loud vigorously..i remember it till this..and then it was all vague, hazy and unclear.. we sang along all the way..hugged a Spanish women who refuse to take a photo with me who told i looks like her daughter..i guess she was also drunk like hell or how would her white daughter look like me..?? i wonder!! my legs quivered but we walked the whole long way back sometimes disturbing the peace and at times amusing the bored..howling..jumping..shouting..tripping..snapping..and stumbling we flew in in the illusion of absoluteness..the humans we pass stared in discomfort and disbelief.. of course thats natural..when someone do something that they cant..then that someone is insane..but then insanity is not a wrong..its a difficult stage for a normal to attain..one got to taste it and they will be hooked up to it forever..i envy the lives of birds..they could wing out every bad things hurled to them..and then they are at ease..the existence of human, being earnest is meaningless..the life lived in the fear of ailments..pain..poverty and death gives nothing but takes everything..someone climbed a never-ending ladder and everyone followed not knowing where it leads..and people who are at the top fell in to the depth of misery..in to unrelieved suffering..life is short to hate, hurt  and tolerate..

The long walks kick out some of the dizziness from our heads. we become aware of hunger that whirled in our stomach.. a few wander for the restaurants open after midnight ended up in disappointment.. but someone managed for a couple of packets of Bread jam and butter..it was more than enough to lavish and we wrapped around it like starving stray dogs.. energy reloaded and each of us accommodate themselves on the chairs and the beds laid on the floor.. small talks to serious conversations to arguments.. it was me and the spiritual being.. calling him a spiritual being doesn't make me a physical being..i myself believe in spirits and the idea of being a soul in a body not the other way round.. the question he raised to me was "what love is"..for he says he is in love with the universe.. as for me the universe is GOD..i believe everything that exist and nonexistent, living and nonliving, moving and unmovable, sin and morality, good and bad, night and day, sound and silence every simplest and complex has god in it..may be that was the context of his point too..I couldn't reply properly fearing the scarcity of resources that was unrecoverable in my frozen dizzy brains..i remained half speechless..

It is all about what you choose. Spirituality is not about forsaking ones life. Learning the inner-self is good but  its not necessary to walk out of   humanistic qualities.in my opinion it should not be chosen to run away from life..for spirituality takes you to internal life, a life to learn about ones self or soul..go beyond the five senses..and this transforms a human   being to a spiritual being and it has got a time for it..you are born to do all the good and nasty things, have all the feelings, pain , to love, to care, to hate, to cheat, to do everything you want..for this faith is enough.. Spirituality is eternal..seeking answers for your own essence..its vast that it can vanish the reality from around you.. Be spiritual and live like a human being this is the good part..break the rules..try to make life simple and enjoyable not missing out any of the 1000 elements..the dimension of a sages purpose and a normal humans purpose is different..be any one of it but don't make yourself a coward being in two boats at a time and results nothing.. don't mock your soul..

as per my religious belief life itself has its stages..to enjoy ones existence to the fullest one must follow it the way it is starting from..Brahmacharya time to learn for the first one fourth of your life..Grihasta for the next one fourth that makes the half life time to get married, lose your virginity, have sex, bear children and protect the family..Vanaprasta- retirement from the social life to pilgrimage and then Sanyasa- this is it..a total devoted life to God, to oneself to the soul abandoning desire, responsibilities, hope and fear..To fulfill your life..one must go through all the stages apart from sticking on to just one..life is about knowing life..learning every leap..falling down and correct it the next time..

and the answer for the question "what is love".. i still cant explain as i told him right away,,its a thousand small things..its the care, the concern, the attachment, the commitment, the intimacy, the passion, the pure feelings to each other, being true, being safe and carefree to be yourself and a lot more..How i felt it?? through the pain of being apart, the longing to be in each others arms, the missing to hear each others voice and every tiny minute memories of togetherness..once you are in love you will know what it really is..its kind, trust, enlightenment and above all seductive..this is all i could manage..its an endless, boundless Joy..

Everyone interrupted the conversation may be they all knew this is gonna fume the atmosphere. he again encouraged us to sing and we made it out loud that the neighbor had to knock on the door a couple of times..we then decided to wind up..it was close to dawn couple of us already oozed in to deep sleep..me and sanya slept together she changed in to her gown and i in the same dirty cloths..somewhere in the sleep i heard me snore hard and i controlled it..

my alarm screeched at 7:30 singing "wake up..wake up..wake up..its a brand new day.." before it could continue with the second line i jumped up and dismissed it. the room was dark sanya was curled in like a french bread in her blanket..my eyes felt swollen and for a moment i was trying to hold the swinging me tight on the floor..i checked the guys room..they looked like puzzle pieces all done attached to each other intricately..i dint want to bother them so i came back to our room and slept again..the sound laughs waked both of us. when we opened the door the guys were in the same position on the balcony as yesterday..the younger  guys were searching hard for some female air..and the elder ones chit-chating..i don't have the merest idea what they were discussing about..may be of their last bachelor trip to goa..the way they might have enjoyed it in the pure-manly ways..tricking and tracking..May be the last time they were the predators but this time the protectors..:) who knows..its a boy thing.. :P

We ladies freshen up and this is the 3rd day i m gonna go out not brushing my teeth..i dressed up in a linen three fourth pant that i wore last time in goa and groomed myself with a tint of pricking annoyance..i was teased and made fun of for my dull complexioned one fourth barefoot..i silly blushed out of self-consciousness and then i let it go else that would spoil my day..women are on pin points when it comes to their figure, appearance and style any slightest bad remark can turn them down..DK realized it and came to me with comforting hands and i was more than ok with his one question "anything wrong??" i gave him a big-wide-bright smile and we both were fine..he kissed me on my forehead and we left the room..sanya was assisting her husband with each and everything he wanted..from tooth brush to towels from watches to slippers..she was so caring and he enjoyed being pampered..we directly drove to the beach..it was hot like a burning vessel on the stove..the crowd appeared unpleasing to us..we were expecting a whole row of foreigners but it was a mix..i blamed the locals spoiling the mood and making the whole place dirty..throwing all unwanted stuffs here and there as if it is a public garbage pit..we took a long table with beach chairs for 8 of us in a beach shack, ordered beers and breezers and squid, then the two couples(including us)and my brother went in to the water ..we enjoyed a few clicks of photographs.. it was the waves turn to pull our legs now..it was crowded..but the guys saved some good space for us to enjoy the waves splashed as if it wanted to defeat us..a couple of times it pulled one of us inside but our hand lock kept us on place..and at times it draw ma pants down too :) but no one noticed..the sea was draining the mud beneath our foot and we could feel it each time..we had a full bath in the cold sea water in sucha hot day..and then gave the guys to play together while we guarded our personal belongings..we both ordered a second breezer and chicken spring role and enjoyed it in the wheezing sea breeze..it was evening by now..we drove back to our hotel to get ready for the New Year Eves party..

Till now scum looked pack converted in to a really gorgeous group..4 of the guys in whites and 2 of them in black the girls in some chiky outfits..we had the red band tied on the wrist for the VIP's of the party..we placed ourselves on a cabana that was close to the beach..the music was pouring out..first drizzled and then severe..the dance floor was free and then people gradually moved up and made it live..a few ftv models took a few rounds showing off their a** cracks and skeletal structure which amazed a few present. the singles in our gang hyperventilated finding some beautys of their taste..i let him have the enjoyment for some time and he let me too..a gang of school-going-kid looked guy models pass us with those new-in-fashion cropped pants and nude makeup..they made sure everyone noticed and they walked away.. we helped ourselves with a drink and a plate of french fries..it was just the couples for so long the others vanished in to the crowd.. when the beats started to ascend my foot moved to step with the rhythm..my body loosen to hop and then i compelled him  to finish his drink.. we were then one in the crowd dancing with all force..the dj spoke but only some responded rest all was indulged in the wave of the songs played..bliss..to forget the world outside, just me and him on the center of the world..we sweat out a river but  never stopped..we shivered of tiredness but hasted in hurry until it was count down for the new year..this was the wonderful moment that i was waiting to share with him all these years..this was one in my dream..to hold him tight and hug him and kiss him while we step in to a new year together..when it was at last  "1" the lights went off and crackers in different colors rained making the whole sky turning in to an unseen nebula- a cosmic fume blurred my eyes and we look up in unison kissing each other and cuddling with all the love and pleasure we held with us secretly for some months..the howls and new year wishes thundered in the air..i inhaled love wrapping my hands around his neck tight standing on my toes..my dream come true..and i couldn't control my feelings.. his child-like face made me kiss him again n again..the music banged and we all return to the old stands of stepping up according to the music..when we felt it was enough we all walked to the beach side and sit there enjoying the noise of the waves..from afar crackers still bloomed and rained down to nothing..many people enjoyed their new year in the open beach..there were a lot of groups here and there singing and dancing and drinking and celebrating..the beam lights from the dance floor flashed long way in the sea making the splashing waves seem like blown up crystals..i was exhausted and i wanted to lie on his lap..i asked and he allowed..my eyes sink in to unclear memories..i was slowly getting away from the noise around..all i could feel was the warmth of his body..the sea breeze swayed..he ran his fingers through my hair lovingly for so long..after sometimes i was back to conscious but i still kept my eyes closed i didn't want this to get over..these acts of love always defeated me..and i would be ready to surrender to him always..its the small things that makes big changes..they  guys and sanya made me wake up and we had a final circlic sand dance and a roar to leave that place..we left the air of joy caressed us all the time from the start till now over there and boarded the van without a turning back to say good bye..over is over.. a brand new year is waiting with millions of happenings and we are along to enjoy it.. face it..and live it..

driving back appeared longer than driving forth..we slept till we are bored of it..stopped in between for food and smoke at times..the days of celebration was long lost and we swore to plan for some such trips..who knows whats gonna happen..every heads nodded in confusion..the loudest become the quietest..it was all silence..besides some long sighs..