1. (Akshi)
Going back to the year
2008. It was hard to leave the once who give birth to us even if it is a matter
of few days or months. but this time it hit me hard like anything. this happened
in 2006 and then i managed to paint a few colors on my graying days. Hostel
gradually became my home and my parents seemed to be like aliens. only thread
that connected us is a few lot of my childhood memories with them and then
their voice. I stared getting relatives
from different background and races and styles in my new home. Life came back to tract and wagons moved smoother. IT seemed like a
fun-house, in the hostel. little giggles, laughs, gossips, fights and love spiced up and it tasted like
a dish that i've never had. Years went along like shredded papers in the air giving us memories of every seasons, every celebrations and every good-byes.
Pain! We wont know how much we get closer to certain people until the time they
leave from us. The last few months i cant forget spending in the hostel
was during the end of 2007. A Halloween, visiting the cemetery at
midnight holding my roomates hand shivering while passing each grave. it looked
wonderful inside there. the whole blazing in yellow from the candle light, soothing wind flaring my hairs
carrying the fragrance of lavenders and roses chilling my legs. I was sure, every dead men
over there would be longingly waiting for that day because,even if its once in
a year it worth waiting.
Saying good-bye was
hard.On taking the last sight of the convent it looked like the
dungeon of happiness and love though we had sore experiences from
the management side. My eyes filled up and wept a few tears and then
i saw Jesus holding the sacred heart and blessing, i heard an unsaid voice that this is not where i belong, there are more people to meet up, more
places to visit, and more hearts to love. I said to my self "everything
happens for a reason" and went on..
It was again a summer.
earth looked like on fire. and after a long days of high temp,suddenly on a
good day it started raining giving a promise of
a temporary relief from being getting burnt. It was on that day
i started commuting in the train. an all new experience. i took it as a good start and it eventually
ended up the same way. It was rush in there at the station as if it was a human flood. i squeezed
myself in between the hot fleshes of other females just in the intention to
keep me safe and save a place to sit . being good fortunate
i could manage a window seat.
The train was about to
move. it roared a couple of times like eaten full. It was then i listened some
heavy pats of foot on the floor of the marbled platform no:01. I
turned around and found a girl running from a few compartments further wearing
angle-white kameez, roughly done curls of hair, holding the dripping stole and
the vanity bag kept atight to her chest, i heard the guard whistle and the
train moved. i wanted to make sure if she is ok and boarded and then i saw her
gasping hoarsely searching for some place to settle herself. She stood
somewhere on the aisle. The wind was swaying my face and soon i fell into a
deep sleep.
2. (Sadhvi)
Gasp! Gasp!Gasp!. Life was
always good when we were kids cause there isnt too much things we are involved
in. that time was the best of our lives. It is not that all we wish would come
true but still i have something that i dreamed of. When i turn back to my life
i feel good and lucky that i have never opened the space of my heart for
someone, a guy. I was very courageous to decline what which is believed to
be a treasure on earth called 'love' so many times. All that i wanted was
the happiness of the people around me. it was my decision that i will let the love
of my life come to me through my parents. It isn't necessary that we need a
single person to love and care about. i have always loved and cared
my people and a few of my friends and i am happy that i could have them in my
life. All i want now is to make my mom happy and free of thoughts.
Hindu marriages are the difficult ones in the history of earth. Its the
most scientifically followed one having a tones of ceremonies. Why it is
scientific is that Astrology plays the most part of everything. Though it
is a wedding or birthday or death everything turns in the axis of
a predetermined transcriptional writings called
"Horoscope". At times it behaves like a mirror of future but at some
other time it fails dramatically for the astrologers find an answer for that,
that "some unpredictable changes happens in the cosmos influence the planets of
a person which alter the things that has to happen in a persons life." Still horoscope cant be mistaken because it is not
predictions but science. This brought some good things and bad things
in to my life. Giving all respects to the so called science a few people came
to my life and gone with the wind. vague faces and questionings, tea
trays with cookies and smiles. As every women i was also agonized and
worried about who that person would be who is going to be my better half.
ah so much of thoughts had trucked my mind, its gonna be my station now, hope i will get to
sit all the way tomorrow, let me go and be at the door now. i turned around and there isn't any place called near the door cause a couple of dozen of ladies are sticking to each other pushing and pulling to
be first to drop out. Disgusting! it is now i found a girl staring at me, she
looked rude and not my type, undone springs of brown hair , smudged kohled eye,
a black thick-framed spectacles and a little huge in size, extra large bag on
her lap, what a creature it is?? before that, why is she staring at me as if i
have stole her something? anyways and then the train jerked to stop.
the ladies slowly started to detach themselves from others
rushing like some celebrity is standing outside. The day kick-started for me.
And my mind said "everything happens
for a reason"
Cloudy and rainy. Was this
important to have it happen today? i remember, when i was young i loved the rain,
i loved to make paper boats to play in the tiny water falls around my house.
Now i am grow and emotions started to rule me and never know that
these feelings have connections with weather. I connected my head
phones to my mobile and started scrolling down for some
sad Malayalam songs to rise my emotions and cry it out. then it will
be a relief and the day would end-up nice or i am gonna burst out amidst
the crowd of my office. that is not a good idea. The song started
with a violin play and my thoughts ran again to long back, faces of my mom dad
and friends and dear ones laughed at me and faded away,
my fantasies take a quick appearance and that
too disappeared, then came my marriage, my new family,
my separation from my home.
being in an orthodox community,
i had to face a lot of troubles as a youngster. My feminine opinions had
no place in there except from them fried up silently within me. it was only at
the college i was really me. i could speak loud what i had at the tip of
my tongue. i had disagreements with a lot of customs and traditions that
was happening in our country but my community was so strict and even i had to
go with the traditions just by nodding to each and everything that
come in front of me. I had to marry a stranger, well educated, good looking and
from a good family from our own community. everyone seemed happy my
father mother brothers their wives, relatives and friends so I. coz
i believe "everything happens for a reason" . It was
difficult in the beginning even to speak to that guy, my husband,
i don't know him, he don't know me. i don't know
his likes and i don't know his dislikes. We behaved like aliens from
two different planets enjoying honeymoon in Earth. for a few
days it went on the same way, and then something loosen up and we both felt a
little free to each other. We went to the city where he works and for the first
time in my life i am living with someone all alone without "
amma,achan,mami,mama,chechi chettan,chitta cheriyachan,ammomma appooppan etc
etc. the house was like an empty glass, i could hear the winds tuning, silent roars, i found ideas to keep me up all the time
and one fine day i a got job offer from a bank in our native. it was only by then when we
just started understanding each other, having love, talks and laughs. But
the sheets of white papers that came by courier from my fathers address
took those sweet things away from both of us like a cyclone crushing a
blossom...
its been 2 years and we
both are still apart and becoming strangers day by day, we speak but not to us,
we live but not for us.. life looked unworthy and meaningless..money grown but
our love was still a dwarf..only thing that i felt doing was my work and then i
sleep with my mother-in-low for whom i was her own daughter who born in
a different womb. i had every freedom to speak open to her and that
was a good thread to hang on. but certain things kept annoying me and
i realized that the stages of life is not eazy to jump across from one to
another but walk step by step slowly, sometimes on rock,sometimes on
clay, sometimes on sand and sometimes on thorns.
I heard a big noise
and suddenly rushed up having my head hit on the iron berth. it swept away the reel
of happening from my head and then i know that the train is at the last station
for a long time and i am at my destination. I stepped out of the train and
found the Kooli's pushing down heavy square bundles
of something to the platform from the "goods" compartment. a few gave a nasty look and i had to sharpen my brows to them and they turned back to their work. i started walking with the maximum that my foot could, folding the head phone
neatly and keep it in my bag. it was then i my eyes stroked on a girl who
was sitting leg on leg, folding her right hand to her left and with her left hand twirling
her "grape- bunch -like" knotted hair put over her shoulder to
the left side front bending her head in the same direction, chewing a gum and
looked lost in some other world. She was simple, sweet and looked friendly i
passed a few quick looks at her not wanting her to notice me doing this but as
if something had struck her head she came back to her conscious and then i
understood, her phone rang. by the time i passed her and reached
the rickshaw counter.
4. (Kristina)
I was always been pampered
by my mom n dad until this day, so that now i started giving what
i received all these years from them to them. for them, their world
was around me n my brother so for us. We were more than parents-children
to each other and this made us not to do anything that discomforts
the circle of four of us. All i had in addition was a good amount of friends
who are the friends of my family too. Actually my family eventually became the
friend of my friends thats the way things go in between us. I enjoyed it as there isn't anything in my mind to
hide from anyone in this world.
Everything i wanted came to my hands and that was it. this is what my life was.
My Dad and brother made it always happen. All my family wants is to make me
independent, strong and rigid to make my own decisions and face the world. They
know its because of them i am a little clumsy, pampering me up until
today. Now this is what i should attain, i must show them that i am grown
without losing the "me"- i used to be.
Having a friend like donald was a real
blessing. he was not less than my own brother. I had his support and love when
ever required and from deep inside me i know he cant be anything else rather
than a real-blood-friend. Some people used to mistake the care but we both and
our parents were sure about how our feelings were. I used to miss those eazy
careless days of my college with my sweet bunch of friends. There
wasnt anything heavy that made my heart struggle to carry. 3 years went along
like the waves on the beach. what left is the memories of some naughty
deeds that we have done in group. the pranks, the cries, the laughs,
the shouts.. everything is echoing in my ears even today.. why did god
made memories?? i used to wonder..then i answered myself, as great men say only
then we will know we have existed in the lost time.
walking through the railway lines to my office was a different things, i had a
million people who do the same regardless of the rule that says "crossing
the rails are punishable". a lot of them hurrying, running, gangs of guys
and girls gossiping, teasing each other. I wish i could do all this with some
of my friends, but they were all settled with their own life, some gone for
higher graduation, some got good positions at work and the only one left with
me was my brother Donald. He is a god-fearing, humble and honest fellow. It was
because of him i got this job and its again easy. I didnt had to have the
new-joiner pressures, he was there to teach me and assist me with
my every doubts. I was learning things quicker and a day came when i
could do tasks independently. when i share this with my parents, they couldn't control
the joy of it and i felt content. its true that "every thing happens for a reason"
Working became an addiction to everyone and people started behaving as robots.
time flew and the only thing i remember is sitting on my seat in the morning
and getting up to leave in the evening. being straining in front of
the computer made me tired and all i wanted was to have some sleep. i left my
office and started walking through the rails, suddenly my eyes catch the yellow
X on the back of my train far away at the platform and then my legs clutched
and i was running to reach there. i found a lot of people on my sides
doing the same and then i saw a fat girl run past me. Her hair was blowing in
the wind and her foot steps were so string. Finally it was me and her on the
door. The whole wagon was full. I smiled at her humbly, but she seemed like
rude and struggled to stretch her lips to one side and made a
smile-like-expression. When the train moved through a bridge and we both at the
door,people pushing from inside, i saw the same trace of fear that ran through
me on her face. I though of initiating a talk, just to get rid of the
fear.
K: Hi, which is your station
A: TCR
K: oh mine is the same.
A. Oh is it?
K: What do you do?
A: I am working.
I understood that this
girl is very reserved like me and i kept quite for some time for her to ask
me something. As i thought this, she surprised me doing the same thing.
A: what is your name?
K: Kristina. and
yours
A: Akshi. what do you do?
K: I am working in a
travel firm.
A: ow thats great even i
am working with a travel firm, managing tours
K: This is not bad, we had
to meet someday.
A: yeah.. (with a smile)
we then fell in to business talks and educational back grounds and places and
etc. by then the train oozed to the next station. A lot of people flown
out like mustard seeds and we could manage a window seat where
we managed to squeeze both of us in that single seat. but it was all
ok.
-----------------------
(Akshi)
Next day morning, it was again all new. I came early, and placed me on one of
the waiting benches on the platform. So many faces passed by and In a matter of
seconds those faces got blurred in my mind to blank. A train came in
to halt on the opposite track making a lot of people running from out
side to in, some of them jumped across the tracks and some others checked
around if people had noticed them running for the wrong train. From far away i
saw the white dressed gasping girl, walking calmly, talking and laughing to
some other lady and stood just beside me. A man selling coffee was passing, i
thought of helping myself with a cup and ordered one. I slowly sipped the foam
first while my eyes stared to no where. It took some big time
for the train to come. The crowd grown like sand in the hour glass. a few grain.. to small heap.. and then a mountain size. In that crowd i found another girl,
lean. She looked slightly depressed. a lite line of darkness under her eye made
it clear that she is coming after a sleepless night. who knows whats behind it, i told to myself.
She looked obsessed and was trying to go away from the world outside. the fat
women sitting next to me walked away and this lean girl took her place there,
she then took her mobile out, fixed the ear phones and switched on the stereo, she
sat back closing her eyes pretending shes listening to the music. On seeing a
little space in between us ,the girl standing next to me(sadhvi) with curly hairs asked
me to push a bit so that she can also have some relief from standing for so
long. I was afraid fearing getting office late and i found the same
on the girl on my left side.
The
train came we all boarded the train. On getting the seat i opened my
bag and took out the book " Brida - by Paulo Coelho". I intended
to restart reading from where i stopped last time. I noticed the
yesterdays girl in white is today in Yellow and next to me. She looked so
cheerful on face, she looked impressed of me reading this book. in a moment i
understood that she got the same taste of books as mine. Dont remember how we
started up with a conversation. but now we are done with our
whereabouts and stuffs and then we were in to about books. Her name is
Sadhvi which means Virtuous, Honest and Noble, the meaning of her name was
reflecting on her itself and this is my bad habit to google the
meanings of names. its since when i read a spiritual blog and the author says
the name of a person got a
serious connection to themselves .In the conversation, i
came to know that she also started this commute only a month ago. I was glad to
get some new comer like me for a company, that too with the same taste. Couple
of days passed. me and Sadhvi got so close like we know from millions of years,
like we were friends from previous lives. it was sucha joy that i got a friend
to whom i could open up and i knew she had the same feeling.
Some
days later we both were having a chat together inside the train. I noticed that
the old lean obsessed girl is sitting just opposite to me. I was thirsty and me
and Sadhvi was waiting for next station to reach to buy a bottle of water. it
was then when she took her gray color naked Cola bottle and started gulping
mouthful of it. My thirst grown high like i would snatch the bottle from
her and have it. As i couldn't control and my throat drying up, i
asked her for a sip with a blush of shy. for the first time her eyes fell on me
and she smilingly lend the bottle to me. Its then our Kristina came into
sight. I felt that shes dreams while she walks too, her each foot steps could
be counted a 10 times. I though i can take a nap by the time she reach me. Surprise
that she first acknowledge to the girl with the head sets on and then she
turned towards us. They already knew each other and to know that was a surprise
for me. But why should i be, i thought. Everyone are in their own
control and its their wish to decide whom to make their friend. I
introduced Sadhvi to her and she introduced Piya to us. Dont know
what happened suddenly, the whole compartment was quivering with laughter.
Its only when we took a gap of silence i realized that it was "WE" who
made the difference.
It was the start. it was
the day when 4 pieces of something joined and made it complete. the days then
cant be explained within a day or a week. i am sure i will fail finishing it,
cause this is us, and this is our life and it will continue until there is no
one alive to active this blog.
Destiny is what that
connected us from different paths to one..and it will take us the whole, with no separate curves or deviations..we are meant to be
together..
Life will go on, but sure with all of us together. Being in frequent contact or
meeting everyday isnt important, it is great being apart and keep us all in the
heart and remember the times we spent and spill a drop of tear with happiness
for having a few pieces of our own soul somewhere away who feels the same as
you...
waiting for a time when we all get free from every nasty stuffs and hang around
like monsters years ago...laughing and laughing..and again laughing for the
worlds most stupid or idiotic stuffs..
i am sad. and miss you all.
[dear k's, i made it in a
hurry. i havnt reread it after finishing. i dont know if what written has its
flow..pls dont mind if theres some mistake..:D :D :D i had twisted things at my
convenience, just wanted to have a note about our formation]
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