The selfish side of ME..!!

I remember in my blurred memory, the face of the most beautiful women in this world..smiling.. mimicking.. singing.. squeezing.. and cherishing.. the women who sacrificed everything for me.. who forgot herself in the joy of getting me.. who find my laughs as the escapes from her sobs.. the women who believes to have me as the greatest blessings of her life.. who spent hours and hours to make up me.. who brought me everything i wished not even said.. who understands the inner self of me with out a single word..the one lady who made me feel secure.. happy and carefree..the one who made me strong and defensive.. thats my mom.. ma this one is for you..

[very sentimental guys..i cant stop my running eyes..!! :'( ]

the first click of her face saved in my memory was like this.. something white in a row was glaring..sparkling and that made some sort of clinking noise too..that was her smile..yes her sweet smile..i would say this..that was the first and last time i felt 'love at first time' in my life..her face appeared so funny and cute that i felt like laughing too but unfortunately i couldn't express..something that my eyes caught next was a big circle of maroon (which suits her well)exactly at the upper center of her face.. so attractive..it really had an hypnotizing power that made me uneazy and i started wailing.. in the very instance i experienced the so consoling pats of her on my back immediately i was back to my normal-self..and then i was being carried out to place after place..rooms after rooms.. i was pampered.. fed.. cared.. cuddled.. and loved starting from then till this time.. all i used to do is to suck my thumb snuggle to her warm body and sleep.. she knows what to be done.. i slept until i hear my moms amusing voice.. she adored me as much as i did.. she was my world while i was hers.. something stronger than the 'birth cord'connected us.. (still no answer for what that something is..)

months passed i made her happy more than she could bear..i got surprised for she got excited on seeing the smallest new things happening to me.. my first milk tooth.. my first walk.. my growth.. my giggles..and finally when i begin to talk.. the first word.. that made her proud.. "mmmaa" ..she was bouncing with happiness..i had a few drops of her tears on my face..

she wore me the most beautiful fairy dresses, always designed by her.. frilly..flowery ones.. matching hats and shoes..sometimes hair bands and bangles..and so on.. i kept the pride of a queen among the kids of my age.. everything "out standing" available in the market was mine.. she made me a lil star on every occasions that happens.. both of us enjoyed it..

my home was my play school..and having a dozen of kids in the house it could have been a good idea to start a play school..but none had time.. :)

instead of waving at my brothers and sisters in the morning.. one day i was also dressed up with them in a maroon pinafore and white shirt with a tie and shoes n socks.. a bag on my back with some rhyme books and tiffin box.. i don't know if i had cried that much ever in my life than this time when my mom boarded me in the van.. and everyone started waving to their mothers and the van moved.. i had that strange pain below my heart.. that made me feel like i am being taken away from her.. that was the first time i even saw her away from my sight.. i screamed so loud that they had to reverse the van and dumb me down at my boarding point.. :) he he

I as well as the years started to grow slowly.. i started experiencing new things.. started to recognize different people, places, incidents.. my mom thought me things i don't know.. and things i should be careful about.. she directed me how to do certain things.. and how to behave according to the situation.. how to respect elders..and how to speak well.. she shaped me with good mannerisms.. i was a good obedient daughter of my mother.. but some where in the time line i got busy acquiring knowledge..gaining more scores and at once fell in love.. and all i can say is that my moms magic wand didn't worked this time..

she was my guide..she was my strength and she was my love.. she poured all her love to me with which i can live a billion lives.. but at some point i felt thats insufficient.. she warned me about it a long before but i simply became selfish.. i.. my curiosity wanted to try different things and i fell in love with a guy.. being a true mirror it wasn't difficult for her to identify the changes that happened to me..she caught me and warned me again..she was afraid that i gets hurt eventually.. but it was a pain through out..until it got rid of me..and by then i was a "nothing"..a slip of my mind took too much from my life..but mom..she appeared again and brought me back to life ..she is the strongest person in this world in front of my eyes and she transmitted some into me..

One by one i defend every obstacles on my path.. buried certain things in the past.. when ever i was about to confront something.. my mother appears in front of me as a guardian angel.. and on the spot leaves me with ideas to resolve it.. it wasn't difficult ever to do anything.. to accept any risks.. and life was eazy..!!

and then i was mature enough to invite the man of my life..it was again an easy task for me to differentiated good from a bag of bad.. i am so strong that none on the world can fake me..and this time i acted brilliantly..i had all those i wanted on my wedding day..my mom n dad arranged it with their full efforts and it was a real marriage in heaven..they really did struggled to put things together to make it an ever cherish-able occasion..i must thank them..and again my mom..i used to irritate her with my wishes for this and that..and all were fulfilled..being crushed presenting me the best day of my life..they had themselves a great deal of sweat on the forehead..(i thank you so much ma..)when i was all done with the new start..the life i dreamed of a couple of years back..i, with out any difficulty forgot my past..the pain my parents had-to brought me up to an individual..the sacrifices they made for me..the love they give me..the care they enclosed me in..all was erased from my mind..that was a sin..i shouldn't have do that this way..while i was handed in the hand of my husband..i failed to notice the trembling hands of my father..the warm tears of happiness from my moms eyes..i thought that was the happiest moment of my life..but no..that was 'really' the happiest moment of ma mom and dads life.. when it was time for me to set off with my new family..i was enjoying it..while my mom was incredibly trying to hold her tears for her precious daughter was finally getting apart..i feel guilty for how much selfish i am..i didn't even turn back and wave..i couldn't give a single drop of tear in return..for my entire life till that day..i used to feel proud of myself that i could be with my parents when ever they are in trouble..i kept wiping their tears before it could fall down and what i did when they felt the real pain..?? i didn't care to turn back and let them see my face once again..i am sorry..

my sorry ma..but i still got all the love for you safe inside my heart..was excited so much..i know you wouldn't even know if i have written something like this..but at least i could confess it here..or it will burn me until i die..

[ A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. – Agatha Christie ]