withering me

Determination and the nerve to reach up in the heights, i have it but some ingredients are missing in me. i have always been a indolent women and i get in the way of things eazily mostly with things thats more on the emotional side.. fiction reading, fantasy movie and romantic tv series.. the addiction towards all these grow faster in me..and later i will be a slave to it..i would fail stopping me from watching/thinking or reading about those stuffs. my attachment to the characters gallop effortlessly while i know i should keep leaping for my goals not just mine Our goals.. at the moment i am leading a cozy lazy life.. cooking in the morning..and then when he leaves i will help me with a good black lemon tea..switch on the computer..drop the url of the website that has all the episodes of a finished tv series..watch it again for the second time all over from the start.. and when it cross the limit with the dragging i will close it have my breakfast watch some programs mostly in travel/discover/history channels..cookery..destinations and holidays.. i am an entrepreneur and i have to hardwork to reach the level we dreamed of..i know it and my conscience is reminding me about it every time every day but i seem to care it very less.. at times i will sit in front of the computer to write stuffs in here for which i waste time to surf for exact details and then find pictures etc etc i dont know if it can bring me any good other than the long heavy payment bill..and when i get bored of this i will curl myself on the carpet, dream and sleep..wake up and have food..a couple of mugs of coffee or tea..make some easy oven items and eat it..feel like eating ice-creams or sweets..i will put on my pull over lock the doors have a walk and buy whatever i want and have it with all enthusiasm..i am behaving as if i am free..i am free out of my duties and responsibilities.. i need to be cured from the addiction first of all..sometimes twilight some other times "iss pyaar ko kya naam dhoon" do i lack romance in my marriage..?? no i dont ..then why the hell am i doing it?? i dont know.. let me see how can i help myself..i am stucked in somewhere or may be i am empty with the fuel..i need a tap or pat or push..i am feeling guilty..i am not doing to help his dream grow BIG..i dont know how to get out of this sticky situation ..!!

above all that i wrote this is the one time in my lifetime i really am enjoying a cool life.. i am just doing all the dirty insane stupid things and no one is bothered about it..!!