24.6.10

illusion!

i some times doubts wot all happening around me is just an illusion! the past becomes something unreal..even the just gone minute.. you know the journey, the accident our separation..the new job.. is it really d so called reality ??.. or am i struck somewhere in a gap not able to move or .. not able to shout for someones help.. ever since i joined here.. i feels like this is kinda dream.. wot ever happening is just a rapid flow of images.. just like we watch a movie..

i just cant believe myself being this way.. i became a new kinda person.. i m not the person who was so much out spoken.. i m not that person who fights with every one.. i m not the person who worked for myself not for the organization.. this transformation caused that hallucination.. i m not clear but i think so.. :)

i really hate me for bringing negative thoughts in to all of you.. but i dont have any option other than IK4 ..

just think it girls...we really cannot always trust our eyes, or our judgement.. a rose is always good to watch.. it appears to be fine.. beautiful but whn yu try to get closer and tries to pluck it... yu will be wounded by its thrones... the same situation.. i lost ma ability to recognize people frm inside.. i got wot i desired.. but ... its something which is like a bubble gum under my shoes.. so much iritating... i lost myself.. and wots the point in changing a person to fit in some elses shell?? ..ther are rules and regulatons i agree.. but it must be informed me in an official way .. like evrywhere happens they should hav mention all those point s in the beginning itself..

you doubt it right.. yes,,... this is a complaint letter.. since i cant disclose this to any one. and ... since these people got answers for evry thing.. i m not suppose to react.. but i will not act against my conscience..

i want to be independent..i am not a domestic animal to cage me.. :( .. is this all really happening.. i cant trust.. or am i lying some where unconscious and dreaming?? i never was like this... i hate places where people dont accept me as how i am.. RULES!! wot rules.. i am following all rules which i think i must..

"am i awake
or just asleep that...
evrything is..
claded a black..
am i dreaming
am i dreaming
or relaity??
the most sorest??

is it foggy around
am i blind..
am i thinking aback the black
hands and legs left unmoved
lips and eyes
dry and closed
am i dreaming
amidst a forest

lying unconscious??

somebody come
come to me fast
wake me up...
and help me from
this lifeless life..

:( :(

23.6.10

a back to home feeling!!!


ahh lemme intake enuf of ma IK4 air here...oh gosh.. so long.. its kinda feeling like m back home after a long time.. wot will i say?? m happy.. i dont know wot made me install mozilla firefox today in ma office computer..i dint wait to get anyones permission.. bcez i felt i will burst in to tears..biting my lips..supressin ma feelings.. i m writing this like kinda thief.. trust me..but soo happy to be back in our own premise. munnu i wanted to commet on all your posts,, that i will do later becoz.. yu know that i am really stealing my office time.. he he.. love you all koothars... and miss US together,, it was lovely.. no better words... just lovely.. but we are really blessed with US..

6.5.10

:)


“The spaces between your fingers were created so that another’s could fill them in”.This quote had always remained my favorite.Ever wondered about the depth of message they convey!

To hold someone’s hand is to offer them affection,protection or comfort.It is a way to communicate and telling them silently “I am here,with you..”Holding hands remains a sign of intimacy between friends and lovers,couples and family,keeping two people together as they navigate the world around them.People hold hands for several reasons such as; a gesture of friendship ,or of love;acknowledgment of one’s presence or as sign of respect as in a handshake;a part of religious service or ritual;to enjoy physical contact;for emotional support;to guide ,as with a child , a blind person ,or an elderly;to urge someone to follow,to dance and on many more instances..

The symbolic meaning of holding hands varies for different cultures and gender. A personal relationship that does not involve any sexual behavior, e.g. friendship, may also involve physical intimacy. In western culture it is often more among female than among male friends; the latter may want to avoid associations with homosexuality. In other cultures, such as Arab culture, men may hold hands with no implication of homosexuality.Many East Asian cultures typically encourage relatively little body contact between friends, acquaintances, and members of the same sex. Even among family members and spouses, traditionally, there are fewer public displays of affection.

A man and a woman who are friends may avoid physical intimacy to avoid associations with sexuality or emotional intimacy, in order not to appear to be in a relationship. This is especially true if one or both of them is already in a relationship with another person.

Physical closeness may also be involuntary, as in a crowded train or elevator.Every touch is not with sexual intention.I wonder why some people seem to view the world only through their own glasses.That’s gross.

Hand holding depends on the relationship established with the person whose hand is being held and their willingness to accept the intended gesture based upon their understanding of its origin and significance.Some people are more into public displays of affection than others,as some avoid much touching in public and will avoid it for their own reasons,even if they are quite intimate and loving in private.Sometimes,holding hands can be an aggressive gesture of sign of control or dominance in a relationship.If a man grabs a woman’s hands and drags her along behind him,this may not be a much of gesture of closeness,but a gesture of dominance..

To add,the dream interpretation of ‘holding hands’ is given as “Holding hands or other positive interaction with hands can represent good will or affection that you feel towards someone, that you believe someone feels towards you, or you wish you were receiving.”

Nonsexual touch and other signs of affection strengthens your marriage relationships,creating a comforting and calming atmosphere in your home,builds more trust between the two of you,and deepens your intimacy with one another.A research of 16 marrried women who scored high on marriage-satisfaction inventory showed that simply holding their husband’s hand eased both physical sign of stress and their brain’s responses to pain.Holding your parents hands when they are in stress will do wonders on relieving their stress.Hold your sister’s or brother’s hands when you cross road,see them smile at you lovingly and read their eyes telling you “Thank you for being there”.During college days,I had many many friends whom I could hold hands and could lean upon their shoulders and take a deep breath to hear their heart’s wishper “I am here for you dear”..even now,iam blessed with you all, Those moments are treasured deep inside my heart and nothing on earth and heaven above can take its place..


When was it the last time you held you dear ones hands and said silently “I care for you,and I am here for you no matter what”.Time will not wait for me and you.Before you lose your loved ones,tell them how much they mean to you and make yours and theirs day a wonderful one.Good luck!!

26.4.10

Wanna be successfull in lyf..but why??

How to be successful in life?
Isn’t that an age-old ,one billion dollar question?But I’ld like to think it the other way.”Why do you wanna be successful in life?!”
‘Success’ is a subjective term..For me,success maybe to have my plant yeild fruits,it maybe the smile on the face of suffering people and to know that iam the reason behind it and like wise .But for a person of different profile,success may mean to accumulate wealth and increase social status…to compete or co-operate with others…to destroy others who harm you, or to practice nonviolence and nonresistance …to die having succeeded in your purpose and so on..and finally,for some people it is to simply live until one dies!
Leaving aside the defenition of what success is,let us hear from people why they feel they should be successful.
“I need to be successful as to have a career and getting to live without regret into old age with lots of friends.”
“Because I need Money Money and Money.”
“I need to be successful inorder to reach the highest possible level of awareness, deepest possible level of perception, newest possible levels of consciousness.”
“If I am successful, I will have money. And really, money does buy happiness. In my opinion, living on the streets is not being happy for me.Also it helps because I am an advertisers dream. I buy what I want. (And that is basically everything I see).”
“For being able to look back on my life at deaths door, and smile.”
“Because if i’m not successful in doing what i love, then it would be a fairly depressing existence.”
“So that i can help less fortunate people .”
“I know what the struggle is like, and I would prefer to not lose hair each month when the bills arrive!”
……. So goes on the varied thoughts.
Well,this question gave some answers like these too:-)
“I don’t! The less success the better, I would rather live under a bridge than have to have bodyguards, or paparazzi following me around.”...............

To me , personally I need to be successful so that I’ll gain recognition in my personal life, career and among the friends who mean a lot and that is my barometer for success in journey through life.Sometimes i prefer crying alone and make the people around me happy n wen i see them smiling to me , i feel like iam the most successful women in this world ."How Many Lives did I touch " That is what makes sense to me.
And what is it to you?

Just think about it...sounds cool na.....:)

22.4.10

Bday

Dear All :

Happy Bday to my soul mates, my frnds , my sister evrthng the one n only ik4...Today , our Bday and it seems very odd as none of us were able to meet today...

The day was so hectic for me...everthing was horible, the train journey the ofce work the return journey evrything...

Couldnt even talk to any of the IK4...iam really sad n evrthing that is hapning around me is going in a wrong way...still i ve to fix a smile on my face to make others happy..Dont knw why is it lik this 4 me always...

hmm..any way, its our bday..even though we could nt celebrate it properly we all love this day...SO happy Bday to IK4

i miss u ol so badly....love u so muchhh

19.4.10

Intimacy


An intimate experience is one of the cherished moments of your life. Nothing else can be more fantastic than sharing your deepest thoughts with the person you love the most. “Fear of intimacy”,a common term referred to in failing relationships.Ever wondered why it matters so much?Well,I personally believe that a relationship is all about intimacy,and fear of intimacy ruins the basic fulfillment and no beautiful and long-lasting bonds can be developed over such a fragile foundation.It is hard for most of us to believe that if someone else REALLY knows us, they will still love us.

Intimacy is communicating your true thoughts and feelings;fear of intimacy involves emotional walls.Intimacy in relationships involves sharing what you really think,believe and feel.It’s about opening up your heart and mind,and lettng others do the same.It’s risky,which is why fear of intimacy often develops.Intimacy is very risky. It requires making such a serious commitment to the relationship that each person will experience a sense of dependency on the other.Even if you love someone who loves you back wholeheartedly and vows to never hurt you,you’re taking a risk.But as potentially risky as loving is not-loving is worse.

When you now what you fear,you’re in a better position to deal with it.Opening your heart and letting go of your fears can be difficult.But you’ve to when it becomes inevitable in making the relationship a beautiful one.Fear of intimacy can be overcome only when the dread of rejection is removed.The strongest foundation of an intimate relationship is a good friendship.Ask yourself questions like ’what stops me being more intimate in my relationships’ and rapidly move to ‘what will happen when I am able to be more intimate in my relationships?’.The answer you find yourself you open up windows and let bliss flow in.

Always remember that not everyone can express their feelings well.If you want,then you can practice on being more intimate.However,there is no way you can change the people you love.While we cannot change others,we can encourage them to express themselves.It is important to let them know that we won’t reject them,no matter what.Thatz part of trust building we talk about.Encourage openness and honesty.The more we discuss fear of intimacy,the more the other person may open up.Overcoming fear of intimacy requires honesty on both sides.The more both partners open up and embrace each other,the more deeper and intimate the relation will be....

courtesy to one of my frnd for this blog..:)

3.4.10

ChaNge..


even dho we were looking out fr a change..its kinda sore feeling whn we got it, like its feeling like..everything changed all in a moment..so suddenly..god changed us like some magicians turn a paper ball in to flowers in a single spell.. faith is always beyond our wish.. this is wot we wanted but ..we didnt want it this quickly.. paachus got transfer..i resigned and gona join new job frm 05th onwards..the one left is Munnus.. sure by the month of May.. yu will also get yur turn..life is too misterious..too unpredictable..things happns in that very unexpected manner..life is like a flash light ..as sir.paulo says.. "ths world is never a safe place to live" why arent we not able to live our life as we wish..?? why arent we doing wat we really wants to do?? i m scared..m scared about every next moment..m feeling insecure..feelin like m being send to a lonely planet..with alians all around.. i wana scream loudly.. ;[

lets...lets just pray god..i dont have anything els to write..

13.3.10

hmmmmmmm...:(

Its been days i have been trying to post smething...dnt knw wats happening to me..dnt knw hw to explain the feeling thro which iam goin right now...

We have been asking GOD for a change for long tim..but when it startd happening....:(

Pachu got transfer , for which we were praying for almost 1.5 years...its a happy news, but at the same time its a bad nws tooo..she will be leaving us shortly...

we knw we will be together , even if we got scattered here n ther for the time being...but this transition is really painfull....hard to bear..


machu's fare well day, its also a change..

changes r happening one by one ..but still we r sad..

life is always pushing hard...from the time of birth, any how i was able to find happiness even in small things..... i have been struggling each n every moment..and things turned to be really hard since March 21st,2005 and now its 5 years ..dnt knw why it happnd lik this....

above all we were able to find happiness when we were together...Now we have entered a stage of departure even though it is for a short span of lyf...

I dnt know hw to express my feelings at this moment...


words r struck sme where...i cant write anything...

Love u ol....miss uuuuu.....

9.3.10

the Arrival ... the Departure

butterflies fluttered inside my stomach..i was uncontrolably nervous..i wonder y this happen evn if it was our third meeting..i was so anxious but least concious about how i am..my heart pumped strongly, that i could hear every single beats clearly...there was nothing solid under my legs..i was floating on the air..all this smothered me until my view striked on him..i was holiding "patchs" hand n i was in a sub-unconcious stage,i could feel her fingers..i could hear her saying some thing from far away..Happiness was over flowing..it mute my ears..i never was happy this much whn i passed exams,or whin i got job..we walk towards him..she waved and left us alone..we were so close but it was uneazy fr me to face him..to look at his eyes..to talk.. :)..

The day went unusual..nothing much happened..walked and took rides..foods..fights..laughs..silly talks; we nourished our time with endless topics..i dont have an idea about how fast a day ran to set..after a long days i got freedom from every haunting worries..

As time passed i realized its soon gona be the time to depart..i counted dowm the last hours..2hrs..1 & 1/2hrs..and 1/2 n hr befor we boarded the train..we shaired his reserved window seat..then that was moments of silence..the number of stations for my destination kept on decreasing..i purposely made topics to break the silence..his answers cut short in to single words..a question "when you wil come again"poped up in my mind a thousand times..finally i asked.. he replied comfortingly "next time for our mariage".. it upset me but i gave a grave smile in responds.. 10 minutes befor my place we both decided to be at the door thinking of the ease to get down with out caughting in the web of departers crowd..

as the train wheeled in to the station platform i turned look at hime once again at him but suddenly withdrawed.he too got down with me..i can still feel the air when we parted that day..our fingers lingered for long..wishing to be within forever..eyes fixed firm on each others..he said "dont stay, go..its late..i want to see you goin" i couldnt utter a word..i nodded approvingly..and turned against him..wiping evry drop of sorrow..i know he is mine..we owe each other..still the pain of seperation defeated me..i became inconsolable..i fasten my steps..knowing the guy who adores me is being in the same situation as i am..but i was too week to give him a look again..i climbed the over bridge..my lips trembled..my legs shuddered..i saw him down a hundred inches..his head stretched upward..in the bustling crowd it wasnt difficult for me to spot him out.. :( i crossed the bridge and reached the first platform..by then i was too far from him..while i walk towards the entrence,the train moved,i counted the moving couches till "s4" to give a final wave..he was there at the door and waved me back until his sight split from me...the cold air numbed my whole body..i walked tilting in the wind..looking forward for another wonderful time..a time,just for us :)..

25.2.10

dying flame..

gals today i am with an interesting topic aboute "dying flame".. :) .dho the heading of the topic smells a negative cookie,this is absolutely unique from the previous posts.. i know at this particular moment.. nothing in the world can intrest the 6 senses of iK4..but i cant resist me from taking this time to tok about a subject which born from the womb of positive..

see..we all have had heard about one of the famous proverb calld "anayaan pokunna thiri aali kathum" yes a dying flame burns furiously bright.. apart from tucking ourselfs in an unpleasent mark.. lets this time change the plate.. i can see, we are all in a dramatic condition these days..i will say since the year start. i can even fact that we never had this kind of squeezed up time in our life., we faced lot of troubles..some even ran us to the thot of commiting suicide...but some other factors made us hold back ourselves... at this moment the lights of our courage is totaly diminished..and hope..totally drained.. we are running through a world like a white blank paper..we dont see the cungestions of the traffic, we dont hear the laughs and cries of others, we dont realized when it is light around and when it is drak..we are in a single word called "BOREDOM"..we are not even just "in" that state.. we are infected by boredomness..it should be cured or we will suffer like anything...

all in a point we are on the peak of our bad times..thers no going forward..thats the end..on the topest point..our despair is on the peak..like the flame of a dying candle..thers nothing called "next" thers no future tens.. thats simply the end.. while nearing the peak of a mountain the world becomes small..and our vision far wider..it gives great views..the views of the traveled path dried with the sweats of our hopelessness..same way the candle.. burns in the misery of bad luck.. which remains the ashes of the past...sooon it will be blown by the wind of happiness leaving no traces of the bad times.. that is the conclusion.. this bad time is gona end... we are gona pull down the "demenders" :) form the top of the peak.. that will crush in to thousand pieces..

so this mad time(the big flame) is a sign for our good time...we wont be denied by GOD...the fire of anguish is goin to perish..our souls will be free..free to laugh...laugh out loud..till our stomach pains..till our eyes are full and red...till we fight to take breath...till we cry of happiness....so lets not kill our HOPE...