A December Tradition

Now this has become a part of my tradition, to write something nice in December before I wave good bye to the year. No matter how it turned out, good, bad, fantastic or boring. I must begin it showing gratitude to this place and our group. Coz no matter how time and destiny had separated us, we still have this single heart shape cut page here to share our feeling always and forever. I would still love to start it cherishing the wonderful moments we shared back then. It still is as colorfully alive as an Oscar-won film. And it still grows nostalgia in me whenever I get tackled with certain aromas, the way the wind blows my hear, the kind of things we gifted each other, the places we went together, the pretty girly foursomes who looks exactly like us pass me, any railway station, some restaurants and foods, some movies and books and a lot more. I can never get over from the ache of being missing US together. And munnu, that was lovely to see you again and watch your eyes glow with love. That is what which drags my soul to yours from then to now. And as we spoke all that old times I could sense the presence of their souls around us, even though they were unaware of the whole idea.

As every year does, this year was also not anywhere in the back row giving wonderful surprises and lovely times. I believe that a perfect year is when we undergo goodness and badness in an equal way. It can’t be equal coz we don’t count the many happy moments but a single sad moment. In shot I meant to say its always a mixture of situations that makes a perfect time. The year was pretty favorable to me, giving me the power to recognize people from inside. I could make every person out in their true forms and I was devastated at times to find some smiling faces ripped off to reveal the dirty ugly jackal fangs. But I am thankful to time and everything that controls the universe for having all these incidents happened before I was eaten by the evilness behind the entire cowards masks. I had a bunch of good family moments and couple time with my hubby making it a worthy year of my life. We still continue to rock most of the time and never missed a single chance to celebrate. We met people, we hung out, we invited friends and we gave the best of our spaces to everyone possible. When we get things we are deserve to lose too..and I think I lost a few people from my life. It’s always ones acts that attracts and repels souls. But I believe I have done as per the universes command and it might have been necessary to open or close a door. I have a nip of regret for my wrong actions but then the voice inside me reassures me and calms me. There is a law that we are unknowingly following and according to that law what so ever you do is all for the benefit of the universe. Both good and bad. Its like you body needs food to kick start metabolism. Our action is the fuel that runs the entire universe. Once we do a thing, it’s the start of a process and that ends in the different side of the world. But we wouldn’t know the outcome, whether it end up in a pleasant way or not. Sometimes you do a good deed of your belief but it take shapes and alters during the process and perform the exactly opposite thing, which has to happen to keep the cycle get going. So never regret for any of your actions coz it was destined to happen to make changes in someone else’s life. Nothing is useless in this world not even a single word you say for jokes sake. A word can change may lives. Regret not but repair your attitude.

I have been into so many things throughout this year.  I was growing fonder of astronomy astrology physics metaphysics history puranas & Vedas calendar and some scientific math. I feel like a jack of all trades now but sure have an impulse within me that poke me almost every single minute of every day and I simply read and read and read googling it one after another. I guess this helps sometime later in the future. It’s just broken knowledge coz I don’t know the entire hypothesis of anything but a hint about everything that comes under my favorite topics. One thing I consider as a gem of this year is to have this wonderful book read in one sitting “The Krishna Key”- a thriller but composed of good amount of information related to Lord Krishna’s reign and the archeological findings and the proof of his existences and also the about great inventions and discoveries of great men of that times which is unimaginable for the modern brains and much more. The book was fascinating me chapter after chapter and I felt proud to be born in a country that has seen intellectual advancements and technologies much before the modern men thought they discovered/ invented it by themselves for the first time. India has seen civilization in a time much earlier that even time lost its ability to preserve it this long.

I would also like to share some soul matters with you today. As I always felt you three are my soul mates and all of them with whom we feel compassion could once be a part of our soul. So we feel an unknown attachment with them. Have you felt this, you get sticked to certain people in the mall or in traffic and your eyes locks absorbing the time and suddenly releases it and you feels like you know that person or that animal, you have seen them somewhere but can’t recognize where or when? We are all one basically and it will be nice if we are not rude to anyone.  We are eternal creatures, only the body changes. I have believed in this since a long time ago. I never read it from anywhere but I knew that it is this. I had answers for so many things inside my head and my husband says it too. He is a very poor reader but he has answers and explanations for quite many topics and thats where we collide. The most discussed topic of ours is souls and rebirths and the universal connection. The answers lead to questions many and for most of the questions we find answers again but it stretches out like a chain reaction. New questions and doubts pop up as we find answer or reasoning for one question but could never conclude the topic. I spend most of my time researching online and many a times I used to wonder how crazy I might have gone without Google and internet at times I needed answers badly. Inventions are like alcohol, used moderately keeps you cool but cutting the limits drives you insane.

As most of us, I am tired of all that the generation is boastful of. I need some fresh air. And we have wonderful plans in our minds. All we are trying is to turn the time back or live like a caveman in the outskirts of this concrete jungle. We are on our way to find utmost happiness and we have hints to find the right road.  True happiness lit up your eyes and I see through the dust and fumes. And the machine that produces happiness is you! Kindness is the weapon to clear the thorny weeds. Give love! Share happiness! Let’s take care of only our circle and imagine what happens if half of the world’s population does it? I am working on my kindness project and I have set my first foot by opening a page on Fb where the human kind clings over all the time. I thought of making use of some free technological rides. A spoiled field can still be used to saw seeds that only grow in there.

So this is a few silver sparks that budded in my head as I traveled through this year and I am thankful to all the powers of the nature to have me exposed to many helpful informative things through different medium. I believe as we grow an unseen organ grows within us with us which is Wisdom and I recommend everyone not to pluck your wisdom tooth out, it is one vital proof of what you acquired passing through ages. I shall now conclude my word juggling after sharing this one myth that engendered in my heart while staring at the clear and full sky of this December night. I remember my grandma saying when people die they become stars. And the little girl dwells inside me believes it coz there are possibilities. There are millions of stars taking birth every single second out of the reach of human eyes. And there are as many as stars in the space to count for the number of humans took birth and died on the earth. And the space is still vast and spacious enough to give space to more of us. And the little girl believes one day the space will be full to accommodate dead people to become stars and that day rest of the man on the earth will stop dying and turn immortal.

Let’s welcome a fresh year with fresh feelings and loads of love and kindness to share in our circles. Love and stay Loved..!! This journey stops never…  Let’s wish ourselves to bump into ourselves every single life..!!  

Death!

How easily we say things like "i ll kill you".."hey that stupid fella died".."Go kill yourself"'..How easily we say hey Lillians dad died..or johns brother died in an accident..and etc etc..How easily we says it all..How easy is that world to be pulled out from your mouth or write down in a paper..D.E.A.T.H!! a very short but haunting letter in at least my dictionary now.. its not it haunting me its the pain behind it..its the pain of not being able to see touch hug kiss someone..its the pain you feel when suddenly someone disappear from your life and never come back..

Its true that, they leaves happily..coz they gets free from the ties and suffering that the earthly life got to give them. they also says its the end of their one part of life and they rebirths..whatsoever, the one person who have been on your side who cared you helped you loved you, did a lot of things for you and was a part of your world suddenly says goodbye from life..they not only push us in to a hole of sorrow but also leaves a unfillable space beside us..that space will follow you everywhere even if you try to shove it away..you can only delete the messages from your mobile..but erasing the memories from your own head is one of the impossible tasks..it pops up like a burned toast every time you visit certain places..you smell certain odours..you eat certain food..and when you do so many things that you might have done with that particular person.. to die is eazy..whoever can do that..even the most fearful ones would do it but..its the people around them who suffers with that aching bleeding hole they stab at the centre of our hearts..

This is for my sister(cousin) who at times used to hate me..for snatching her shoes..for snatching her own sister..for avoiding her saying she not big enough to be in our company..and when she was big enough..when she felt she is big enough she took her life by herself..leaving all of us mourning..and wanting her to be back in our group to share all those secrets we kept from her for such long time..Now that you are gone..all those secrets are simply circulate in our minds like invisible dust particles in an empty jar..they cries with us sometime..and at times they makes us cry..

I pray god!..Where ever you are..you get a long life this time..and don't hurt them leaving them abandoned halfway like you did to us..

Love you always..!! <3

The Eternal Alchemy!

Its me most of the time. yes, the person who really can keep me up, the one who really can control and console me, the guide, the pathfinder, the inspirer, all those devils and angels who brought me to where i am now 's ME! No one can change me, none can influence me, cause it was always me. The one person i am deeply in love with is to MYSELF..!!

What is my world? My world is first MYSELF and then it extends it tails, nails, roots and so many nerves spreading out in to different parts and i called them my parents, my siblings, my friends, my cousins, my relatives and so on... Now what am I? thats one big question! I am just an atom! I moves in the same direction and motion as all other atoms does. All i have to do is sit back and go with the flow. Cause there really isnt anything i should do to change this world coz it change by its own no matter what i do. no matter how much strength and strain i put in to it. Chillax people..this is the real chemistry..and someone is adding acids diluting concentrating and doing lot of stuffs we really have no idea about,,some of us gets burned or die in the process, some of us lose memory, some of us change colour, some of us infuse some others defuse, some of us becomes invisible and some of us simply disappears...panic, worry, grieve! do all this but no use coz through that you are only losing your energy, it dont change the pattern, it wont stop the process, it simply goes on...and on..!!

This is an eternal alchemy! Life is an eternal alchemy!  

Right Now!

What will i say..?? Oh god!! this is great..all i can tell u is that this is one of the greatest times of my life..i may forget this..my memories may turn in to a pile of dirty papers back under the long heap.. but i am sure the piece of happiness i enjoys now is - a good piece of chocolate tart right in front of me while i am hungry like a very starved beggar. i don't know what else to say... Some nice music and a little milder tranquillizer canned in the green tin.. oh holy crap.. i am on the peaks now..i wish if my life coils and linger around this moment...love all around me..i dont know if its what that lies inside me brakes out in to freedom and flush out in the air,,spreading it like a rose petals fragrance...

All of you who reads this.. i know it can be sometimes just me..but i know i am in a crowd right now but none of you notices my shouts..all are busy i know.. this world is a business place at the moment!! hey i heard you, u called me sick and insane.. yeah i am insane..!! but i calls me the one sanest person  left in this whole world..!!! I am different.. am i different?? i dont know i wish to call me so.. i am different.. coz i hate that,..i hate to become one in the machines thats strolls along the globes greens chopping the lush like crazy cattle..!! the button eyed monsters!!

Be Fresh!

As always, confused! i dont know where my train is taking me to. I dont know if i am in the right wagon and i wagon is on the right rail. But i feel positive recharged and re-energized today. There isnt any particular reason that i can pin up and show u all. may be i am happy because there is nothing. Yes nothingness can make a person utterly happy and content. Imagine this, you got nothing to think about, like you dip yourselves in to deep pool or a  sea, you feel that detachment- i am talking about the good one, the detachment from the noises and tensions and pressures of the dry part of this world, which we mistakenly believe that is the colourful side of the planet. I feel relaxed like i am naked, free from the weight of my cloths, from the elasticity of my bra that suffocates me most of the time, with each breath i take with the hooks on, i feels that it not only helps me keep my figure in tact but also squeeze in my trachea (i just googled it) the tube through which we respires. No ties, no knots and no elastic.. Oh My God i dont even want to imagine about the pain of wearing a tummy tucker or a shaper or squeezer or something like that. Well that doesn't make me a person who don't be presentable but i would go for the natural way of holding air inroder to make my fat belly look flat.. I wish i could remember my times walking in the woods naked and leading a life like monkeys- I am talking about my previous births (I am sure i had one)..

So about today! its just a day, like everyday but, all i can tell you is this that, its quite, i dont get to listen to the daily irritating buzzing of the world, may be its the thunder thats singing a non-stop opera from the morning behind the closed silver curtains..i love it..i love its peak when it suddenly roar like a lioness and then get back to the soothing tone..The weather looks different since yesterday and i am loving it like i have seen my maid dressed up in a different cloth once in a while..I am back to my lonely pleasurable time..spending time watching movies, cookery.. reading and i am reading a classic now Jane Austen's  "Sense & sensibility" which was written in 1800 :) Two hundred and fourteen years ago..wow..she still lives in the book. 200 years sounds..just 200 years but! the changes that the mankind encountered from then and now is massive..an equal mixture of good and bad i would say..i want the needled to e balanced at neutral.

Its a pleasant day for me. Without any specific reason. Or may be i am calling it pleasant is coz i am alive to see another morning noon evening and if the clock called life permits, tonight too.. When i look back..i realize that i am not the same person who used to be a 10 years ago, the fresh grace and the blush is slowly diminishing but i wont allow that to wipe out completely from me. I used to believe that  youth is when you are in your teens or early twenties but thats wrong. Youth is not an age criteria..its about a personality..no matter your grace diminish, white spreads your crown if you have that punch in you like that goddamn cocktale that always bring your energy up and make you dance even if your legs shiver..You can do anything thats available in this world..anything! all you need is to collect your courage and grab that stuff..its never late for anything to be achieved..its never late to go to a grammar class..its never late to join a health-club..its literally never late if you are alive..all one needs is to be breathing, but positively..

Do you know? Most of us are scared to get on a roller coaster or giant wheel or do a river rafting or bungee jumping. They calls it an adventure sport or they calls people doing it adventurous. I would say life is the greatest adventure. Its like you are in a maze for the whole time, you get lost, you find out the treasure and opens the door to another may be critical maze through your life, yes the beginning stages will e quite easy for you..and it gets tougher through each levels..A maze! imagine, amid the green walls..the narrow path..just close your eyes and think about the challenges we had to face in our past..do you think we are not enough courageous to sky-dive..?? We are all born with great powers. We use it whenever we requires it practically..We are all capable of doing what the-so-called-rocket scientists are doing..but one problem that we are not interested in rocket science.. everything in your life is about your mentality..what takes you to the bad is your ill knowledge..or your lack of concentration or enthusiastic or introversion..they are rich, they are talented, they are fare and you are nothing is the first thing one got to wipe from their head..we wouldn't know if someone is having a crush on us for they thinks we are talented or something..

All i wanna say is that. be confident about yourself. god never creates any of his works thats useless. hes a great artist. he fixed the appropriate engine in you and your job is to find it out and master it..the world needs it..and thats the only thing you can give back to the great creator..you shouldn't be just an instrument..value yourself before you praise others..wake up in the morning..go to the bathroom and spent some time grooming yourself..you think you want a change, cut your hair..trim a new beard..or change your lipstick and do everything that makes you feel that you own one of the most beautiful features..its all about inner beauty, i know that..if you are beautiful from inside that will reflect on your face..and being beautiful will make you confident and that builds the inner beauty too.. so both works hand in hand..one for the other and other of the one all time..

Be happy..do everything that makes you happy..buy it, take it, make it, do it all for yourself..a happy you is a happy surrounding..you don't know how important you are and sometimes the one god choose to deliver his miracles through can be you..you are never a material of someone else's pleasure but someone born to make a difference in this world..

Cheers..!!

A Cinder Cone

And my heart swelled

Watching his lips tremble

As he uncover the sorrow that was spreading in

In between the walls of his tender heart

The love he lay upon her

Was all wasted and left unwanted

He suppressed the fire that burnt him

Within him like a volcanic mountain

It fumed letting him crawl with pain

As the feeling of desertion bubbled up,

He let the snow warp him

Making it to give the world a false facade

I dare not, to question

I fear not, to take a part of his ache  

That’s striked at the centre of his heart

And I let that never, to tear him apart

Unwanted, unloved and neglected

Like a tormented slave for life

He stills alive next to her

Curled up on one side of the same bed

Waiting for her to come back

Forgotten and forgiven 

The pain she made him to endure...

Just to say a HELLO to my Girls!!

ahh!! here, i can smell that rustic muddy smell that of an on Library. a book fungus smell, that always used to hint me about how long i have not entered the room. I loved it even though it gave allergies to a lot around there. I can hear my voice echo in here, as if i was gone for a long holiday and come back to receive a lonely home of mine. I see how lifelessness can create this many changes to the lifeless bricks. or how much a lifeless block of bricks can be lively with the presence of Life! Our voice, our touch, our air... there something is mysterious.. i think there really is no point in being negative coz we itself are made of positivity's and we spoil us by adding the dirt in to the crystal clean spring of our soul and making it dark, the more we add negativities the more we become dark and lost..

I have been doing many things these days, and i found that it still took away my time like a cotton candy exposed in the air. Birth and Death, the commence and finale. In between is where the fun exist. the stop-watch is running, seconds after seconds in a quick walk and we wont know when the button is pressed to stop! that is mandatory and none can stop, i know all this but in between the start and the end, i want to mark my existence marked somewhere that i ll be remembered in a good way even after years of my being not alive on this blue ball. Everything is incredible. Sorrows are the chilly flakes on top of the pizzas, its hot but that's what makes it taste different and good. I know this, i know most of it but i know that i don't know everything. :)

I came here today to say a BIGH HI to my girls. Who have been with me through out the time since we met and i can feel it. We dont speak that much or chat or haven't met in many months or a year or two but i can feel your presence. I can see that i am not alone what ever damn i do. This is why i love you all. This feeling is what that made me come here today and open the door that really creaked. Its dirtied by the spider webs that out grown to look like a rusted mesh in most of the corners. and i see our old posts and photos all dusty too! i wiped it with my hand and it made my gloves look like yuck, still reading a few lines from the words behind the glass frame made me all go heart-wiggling!!! And butterflies in my tummy!! Good old Girly days! I miss that, i dont listen to enrique, i dont walk in the rain, i dont look up at the berths in the train, and i dont do a lot of things that i always loved to do, only because i....i....because i miss you terribly guys...i miss us...and i dont want to do that without you....i know i cant find time to chat with you or call you or get in touch with you but have time to write it here...i have time to write it here because i may not be able to tell all this to all of you using my tongue, that would crush me in to powder like a delicate cookie...i cannot do this talk as good as i did it here. I have always felt that this place is our heart, we are four equal pieces of IK4 and what ever i scribble here would reach you all some way...I love you...I miss you...come back some time...this used to be our park bench where we spent a lot of our evenings, this used to be our coffee shop at the corner where we used to chit-chat and limitlessly laughed...i can see it covered by dried leaves, waiting for us to clear it and have a seat again, i can hear our unclear conversation still echoes within the dark corners of the cafe. I am trying to breath-out that nausea of our nostalgia thats really hurting at the centre of my heart..!!

take care and i wish i find anyone of you waiting here the next time i steps in...

The Culprit Called “Invention”

The dusty pale evenings, when I come back home carrying the heaviness of knowledge on my shoulders that always ached with a rash of red lines on both sides… I would wait for your call, snacking on the rusks and a steaming tea thickened with fresh cow’s milk. With my messed up two side plaits with the ribbons on I would run in to your arms as compassionately as I would do it to my sisters if I ever had… the box games, the kitchen games and many other deeds… I would still remember us climbing on the trees to pluck mangoes guavas and wax apples carrying it in the bundle of the skirts we wore. The days when we waited for the sugar candy seller’s bell and the run without slippers through the rocks and stones and mud to catch him, getting the candy in a news paper cone and walking back to home with blushing giggles…

It was different. Way very different. Things had changed a lot through these couple of decades. People are more arrogant and self centered. Even the sun is harsh and hard. What changed it all? Where did it go wrong? There doesn’t exist anything ordinary in anyone’s lives. Regardless of the fact that ordinary was the thing -The original, most pure and harmless. When we try to divert our lives to modernity, shortening the roads to the minute switches or touches on a hand phone we are literally missing the beauty that used to make us cheer through the whole way we travel to fulfill our needs… the crystal clear streams that we jumped over, the log bridges, the woods, the lakes, the green patches the water falls… the butterflies that confused our path..the dragon flies..the bees..the birds the wild flowers, what a vibrant scene! I wish I get another chance to watch it just once at least…

I could find myself evolved over time in some ways, but I know how much I value the real stuffs. How much I love to get rid of the irritations that technologies present with pride and simply enjoy the coolness of the water in the old pond beside the old temple we always used to visit. The emerald green pond abode to tiny fishes and weeds. The way the water massage the feet, the sound of mantras the priest chants with the bells ringing and the divine smell of camphor and incense from the temple rejuvenate to the depths is totally an out-of-the-universe feeling, aaah, that deep fill of fresh and fragrant air!!! I wish if I cans store a little of it in a box for my children.

What I understood about this era is that’s its digging an easy way to death by leading an easy life. No hardship, no struggles and absolutely no idea about how to be humane. The whole affair revolves around finite expensive toys. Majority of the mankind take birth with half-grown brain and character defects. Children know superheroes, monsters and aliens but not their uncle’s aunts and neighbors. It beeps when the weather updates in the smart phone, but they never tend to spare a few minutes to observe the beauty of the sky turning in to dark, dragging the moist wind from some long distance, the leafs and even dust blown in the air concluding to pour down all in a sudden washing away every single dirt from both body and mind. A Total purification! How blessed are we by the nature. It’s all wasted and left out to perish, silly and unwanted.

The modern parents have made themselves a slave out of their parenthood. They work day and night earn and spent it on whatever their children obstinate which becomes manure for a child’s over stubbornness. They are all growing spoilt. One thing we should all keep in mind regardless of how much we love and care for our children is this that a need always fulfilled would turn them lazy and crazy. They find it as a technique to have themselves done nothing to gain something. Let them know about the hardship you take to get your children things they want. Teach them to know the value of everything, including relationships. Allow them to work hard and get things what they want so that they would treasure it for their life. It’s not nice to sacrifice your whole life for your children. It’s a sin; it would turn in to a curse to them. Don’t spoil your health and youth to build a promising life for your offsprings. Rather live life wisely and happily, loving each other and everyone, showing kindness and compassion, being emotional at times, hug, kiss, cry. They are not your life; they are, yes but a part of your life. Bring the real stuffs out, make life visible to your children and they would learn from it, which will eventually make them grow with wisdom. It is your duty to raise your children but its not your duty to mislead them. A person becomes strong through hard work and determination. If you feed them whenever they cry, you are literally closing the door for them to be on their own destiny. Let them wander, let them fall, let them get up without a helping hand and there you build a wise person and there you become a real parent. Turn back and look at the initial days of your marriage and now! You would find a huge difference in the both. You would see a pair of love birds transformed in to a pair of robots. Don’t let that happen to you because even this affects your children, they grow watching you. They observe everything. You are their role models. So be a good life partner, love, do things together, understand and do your duties. That’s it!

I think it’s time to go back and adapt the olden styles. We bring back the fashion. We yells “stay classy.!!”. Let’s implement the way of living too in the olden way. Let’s go to farming and fishing, let’s travel in country boats and carts, lets barter. How simple it is.  I plant tomatoes, you plant potatoes. You give me three potatoes in exchange of three tomatoes and there will be rice planters, wheat planters, Coconut planters, fruit planters, we do the same with every one of them, thus we build a stronger society, helping is what? A smile on the face, a tear in the eyes, it’s the real happiness. Lets row the boat, lets tug a cart and lets don’t fight over oil and coal. Why is life getting expensive? Because of the demand. Why are certain things high on demand? Because of the usage. If you don’t buy cars the same number as the members in the family, Sir. Saddam Hussein would be still alive, living happily with his children and grand children. Iraq would have been one among the paradises on earth. Why war? War is a byproduct of Greed. I only have this single line explanation for this. Nothing else! So let’s transform back to the classic ways and everything will be sorted out. I know this will sound impractical; you may point your finger at me. I admit, I am ready to go back and live a peaceful life. I understand that things had changed so much and its hard to take a step down. But I give this word, a step down from this crazy world would help you gain a lite head. It’s the only way to simplify life. Let’s don’t strive. Just say No to science and inventions. The world would still have remained a paradise, if god fixed a smaller brain in the human skulls..!! 

Qui audet adipiscitur/ he who dares wins

I plant the last seed of life

In the barren dying earth

Foreseeing nothing but

Humane sprouts shooting out

I searched for a stream

Or a pond to water

But all I brought back was

Nothing but disappointment

I find no way out

To regret and give up

So with deepest compassion

I nurture it with my tears

And I fence it with my arms

On this day as I wheezed for

Some fresh air before I depart the life

A wind of faith was blown

Ventilating my whole, my soul

By the last heir of a dumb world

And the mother of the next

I found her, adorn in green

Head held high like a warrioress

Strongly determined to

Paint this world again Green…

The Boon

I grow old

I grow matured

As this process goes on

I grow fonder to myself

My beauty, my abilities

My credentials and caliber

As one observes their garden

I observe my face my body

Sometimes into the hollow of my soul

I scorch upon finding grays

I shudder watching me wrinkle

And the pain just gets worse

When my memories fade

I would still love you

I would still need you

But what if the last hint of

You too vanish

I would rather pray

For a boon to take my life

While I still know your face

And close my eyes watching you…

Evolution

The rough boulders smooth

And shapes in to curves

People too change over time

But the other way round sometimes

Soft and sweet to rude and bitter

I see the nature evolves better

Men tend to harden

And alters to form the rock

The rock of pride

The unpalatable shapeless stone

That is of no use to itself

Or others surround…

My Reflection

What’s haunting me?

I inspected my image

Reflecting in that oval mirror

A smile was affixed on my face

But I found no glow in my eyes

A monstrous something

Had eaten my brain

Abandoning me empty and blank

Like an unwanted old dusty china pot

To which the spiders refuge in

I asked myself for a reason precise

And I watched my face go pale

With a sigh of failure and dismay

What is it?

I hauled from within but

The sound simply echoed inside

And calmly hid under my skin

My reflection rippled

And turn unclear and blurred

As if a stone is thrown in the stream

My eyes ran deeper to rescue it

But it disappeared in a whirl

Making the mirror empty and blank

Just as my memories did 

Compassion..!!

I could feel that you are

Holding on to me

Your hands rapping mine

Your gaze linking mine,

While our intentions tangled

Shooting straight to the same finale

We stumbled on the same stone

Catching each other not to fall,

We moved forward on the same rail

Sacking the equal portions of same misery

My mind repeated what you chant

The glorious words of the love we have

In absolute satisfaction my hand reached you

To pat on your back and soothe

Whispering, the strength of our connection

The most sincerest compassion

That alone is enough to climb

The toughest hills and mountains of LIFE 

Injunction

What will I say?

Its raining outside

Though the warmth of unluck

Still suppress inside my room

Suffocating my abilities

Finding no way to escape

And chill in the wintriness

Of the vast opportunities

That the world holds in its womb

I question to faith

Why am I not expelled

From this mishap of lucklessness???

La Pasionaria- the flowers of Passion

I was awake, with a tickle uncontrollable, passing the shiver from my toe to all over me, it was the silk curtain lingering my feet, like a feathers touch, so lite and smooth under the soft pink skin of my heels…I partially opened my eyes to the mirror opposing me, his arms around my waist tight as if I am cuffed for some offense sweet. I watch my undone hairs covering his face, a few strands flying in the warmth of his breath. Milky linens slithering through our legs and curves disappeared at some place to form a cascading river on the marble floor…sound of the chimes tinkled to make music together the sound of his respire- like a calm oceans euphony…my eyes refused to move away from the innocence on his face, even though it was his reflection…my hands wished to pamper his childishness as if he is my son, a child born to another woman. The satins flied high by the pull of a deodorizing cool and mushy breeze...it spread all over the space making us covered with it as if a petal by the nectar…The air did taste sweet…my face turned from our reflection to his real self…he is still asleep under the warmth of my body…watching him like that for a while broke out a sudden urge to kiss him the very way I did it on him for the first time…the nastiest and the wildest one ever, like a burst out of wants, so strong that the crave pushed me for more and more, I wasn’t feeling enough of it and I behaved like a cast away finally finds a clear water stream to settle his thirst. Nothing will suffice my passion towards him, I mumbled.  I couldn’t help him from the bruises that day, but I know those bruises will always be remembered as a memoire of the strength of my feelings towards him. I rolled over him, and pecked him on his forehead, he rolled over me and planted a kiss on the side of my neck, on the curve of my waist and then it was just colors and patterns, it was dawn and twilight, day and night, rain and sun, wind and snow at the same time… twisters hit, thunderbolts strike and volcanoes erupted…buds bloomed, dews dripped and it hailed too..The whole nature vibrated in harmony and I puffed the breaths of immaculate Love...

Even though I tried to calm myself, I found that it was not just me but both the souls trying to summon, it was not two bodies uniting it was the souls getting their chance to bond. It is the souls that mates. It’s their way of showing love and our bodies simply move according to the tune. When love is suppressed for a gap of time, the feelings keep sedimenting and gradually that will turn in to a madness, to give and take all that’s reserved in the very single moment you are exposed to your love. The cuddles, kisses and love-making ending up in uncontrollable pants and yells, one must experience this at least once and those who don’t miss the most of their lives. There is a saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and yes that’s really true. Securing the love and affection from the first day of being apart, saving it from seconds to seconds to minutes to hours to days to months and sometimes years, finally  reaching the day of reunion with this huge bundle of feelings, eventually make you in tears of extreme happiness, I must say that’s the most loveliest times in our lives. And Love creates the wonder called pleasure not the other way round. When there is no love, and ones approach is just for lust, the result is unhappiness, it is simply regret!!! Or that’s gonna called as a pointless act of a cowards.

Fall in love again and again with the same person, or until you find the true love of your life, there is no offence as long as you don’t harm a soul, but search it through hearts or otherwise and stop only when you feel your heart is leaping for someone else’s. Cause at the moment you find your love, you know that’s it, that’s the beginning of something unusual and you would become dumb with thousand words dancing at the tip of your tongue for him/her. You will feel swayed and floating, completely mute to the loudness of the hearts thumping together.

Love is not just a feeling to be cradled in the heart, it has to be shown, sometimes in its most vigorous demeanors. Don’t hold it, don’t try to supply it little by little, just open up your heart as wide as possible and simply let the doves of love fly away high in air to intense freedom. Let love flush out and wet your lover, there is no sin showing love the way you want, it’s a sin only when you hide it, only when you try to refuse to “give”….

Dedication to her

And she flew away

Just as a fledgling

Hatching in to her world-

A place of only hers

And she hides away

Simply, as if interrupting a game

Refusing to reveal herself

At the end of a peek-a-boo

A centre point, a link of union,

A jingling bell, a tinkling chime

An alarm, a reminder,

That was she, our tiny hummingbird…

Future waited

My eyes blinked habitually

Many times at once

Trying to figure out things

Through the dusty glasses

My tongue searched

In the hollow in there

For my begone tooth

Struggling to chew on

My ears heard annoying sounds

My eyes saw disturbing sights

My mind shunt down at disgusting things

This seemed like an alien era

Flying cars, rolling mats

Talking jars and speaking pans

Walking ovens, selfie sweeper

Convertible homes

Is it this, the future I waited?

Or just as simple as a nightmare

That would fade away and keep things in place  

As I wake up and open my eyes…

A smile

In the heat

The sweat of my defeat

Armored my solitude

I gulped the vacuum

For a refreshing chill inside

But it slid down like a jell

Without leaving a trace anywhere

Darkness deceived but then

A chill of grace spade over

And my heart spins again upon

Seeing a hail shooting down

Hitting hard on my nihility

Pruning it in to nothing

Giving space for a smile to sprout…

Snack on Them..!! :)

Homelessness

Unhealthiness

Starvation

Thirstiness

Heartbreak

Misery

Debts

Needs

They all carved us

From every side

They took us to the cave

Of hopelessness

But then he ordered

We will snack on them

-Our sadness,

Until we are full with

A burp of Happiness!

Mercy

Million times I am awaken

Rose up and lived turns after turns

Wandering for redemption

The eternal liberation through many lives

But the unknown, unseen ties,

Ties of being inhuman

Followed me like a killer

Distracted me from completing my duties

The curse that affect me through the deeds

I unknowingly had to do,

Following the way of life that patterned

By someone else’s plan

That meant destructions of innocents

Unseen and away, far from my sight

Crouching for mercy and kindness

Dying by the poisons that I emit

I could feel the hint of their pain

I could listen to the silent voices of their cries

And I took along this annoyance

Like a heavy hump on my back

As long as I can’t bring peace and

Show the path of morality

I would suffer the pain of this

Iniquities infectiousness that spread all over me

But I know, this is the truth,

My hand is not long enough to stop it

My throat is not enough to take it in

So I guess, my soul would rose again

Again and afterward to suffer this

Never ending pain of cruelty…

And you walked away...!!

My heart pounded

Like a stallions gallop

When I stared at you walk away

I waited, tear shedding

For a final look of yours, to be captured

And shelf it as a momentum of love

That I held in my heart always for you,

I watched you melting away

Like a sugar cube in the steaming tea

I felt you depart, slip away from my arm

Like the light fades in a dying eye

And turn plane like a matt pebble,

I spent the days, yarning my imaginations

Of a time final, for us to be together

I passed the nights sleepless

Practicing the conversation for the day to come next

All that I did was only for you to make it wasted- Now!

As the stones thrown in the pond

As the feathers flown in the wind

As the kisses blown to you in the air

Now I know you, what you were meant to

Just to dig a pit at the center of mine 

And leave it peripheral, uncovered and thumbing

Until the last time it do its routine…

Esplanade

The esplanade of obligations

Expanded like a millipedes trail

Long and never-ending

I walk, and then ran to chase the boundary

Like a bee behind a traveling bunch

I saw blood splashed coins of

Silver bronze and gold

That smelled the decaying kinship

Producing one single stink, foul

That can be a father’s or a brother’s

But who won is unquestioned

Cause a triumph over one’s own blood

Is a defeat to himself, his conscience

I wish if this long road lead

To the freedom of absolute poorness

Where my heart would

Finally  find a place to
Rest in peace…

Oblivion

Where did they go?

My eyes would search

My mind would try hard

To overcome the oblivion

That had sealed my eyes

With the reel of incidents,

I would work hard

To solve the puzzle

For the missing cube

Where my memory lapsed

Sadly it would flicker

Like an unwanted treasure

That was clad by the cover

The greatest boon, I have-

Forgetfulness, the ability

To forget them, the ones

Who either don’t exist 

In my life or in this big world...

Viridescent

As the pod of a bean

We gathered together

Grow up and sprout

Into different demeanor

And now we know

Who’s the shrub, who is the bush

Who is the trunk and who is the creeper

Whatever we grow in to

Regardless the shape, size and structure

We are all different shades of one hue

And that’s viridescent!!! 

Melancholia...

I stuck me unto the corner

Where a sphere formulated

That covered me like a shell

And I shrink in to it as an embryo of revulsion

Feeding on to my own excrete

That took shape in to

Cubes of horror fear and melancholy

I pretend to be not listening

To the shouts of hierarchy

And the soothing calls of virtuosity    

I laid a veil over my own eyes

Turning the seductive visuals obscure

Feeling the lightness of

Myself contracting back to

The size of the seed I was

The much anticipated jackpot,  

The world coddled me

Until the curiosity fade

And then I was one in the

Sack-full of living toys

My cries searched for a space to echo

My list of needs dissolved in the sea of words

And my sensations mourned to be roused

All reflex back to me empty handed

Like an insisting disappointed child

With a heart full of affluent Melancholia

That over flowed like a flooded stream...

Legacy

Why do I yell

After bewitching the scenarios

Like an artist spoil a concert

Shouting like a madman

Emotions mimicked me

As if to an actor going crazy

After his ruined pride

Together his grace

Rotten eggs are thrown at me

As if they caught me red handed

Sneaking in and stealing

The chest of treasure

I am who?

I am the legacy

The richness of yesterday

And the pride of tomorrow

I am ripped and manhandled

The same way they do it

To the strayers 

Merciless and ruthless...

A tiny slice of Soil

I tried to scuffle

Scuffle away from the ghouls

Of invisible rays and radiations

That conquered the world

Like a flu or cholera

Harmful and life threading,

I wish I could nab

A tiny slice of soil

That is still ancient

And safe it with me

In my collectible showcase

And name it an antique,

I look forward for a time

When I can quench my thirst

Tasting the sweetness of purity

Forgetting the heat

From the concrete on which I stand,

The world has grown so old

That it can’t resist

The parasites worms and viruses

That carves it and fed on it

Sucking out the greens 

Leaving cold and dead one day...

Spirit’s Spirit

Suddenly blurred became clear

And actuals became ethereal

My eyes moved slow

Like a grape roll in a platter

Seeing listening and doing

Things inappropriate,

That’s the spirit!

That sparkles in the glasses

That gradually dilutes my blood

It untied my spirits high

And I sweat the precipitate

Of truthful approaches 

Tearing off the masks

That I hide behind

Revealing the nudity

Of my ever protected

Arrogance, self-centeredness

Immaturity and audacity

Making me exposed

As purely as I am just born 

The door to YOU

Ow it’s the beauty

That I see through the key hole

At the centre of your chest

The bright light that pass though it

Beaming on my face

Like the evening sun peep

Through the squares of my window

On the western part of my abode

Where thousand things dwell

My passion my prestige

My actions my visions

My thought my dreams

My imaginations and my instincts

All thrive together as I am nourished

In the spring of the barren earth

Stronger independent and courageous

All to unlock the door to you…

Parenting..!!

Didn’t you notice?

The plants grow towards the sunlight

So do the children

They grow towards the light you show

If bright, they becomes wise

If dark, they turn foul

It is the basement

That keeps the mansion strong

So as the parenting

Defines a person...

Faith & Heart

Sometimes,

Even if you are centered

Amid everything that you wanted,

You still feel you are poor

Sometimes,

Even if you have every fortunes

As much as a king has

You still feel like you are empty

Sometimes,

Even if someone is holding your hand

You will feel abandoned and uncared  

And sometimes,

Even if you breathe and move around

You don’t feel like alive anymore 

The heart always tends to have

The forbidden, restricted and prohibited

And faith always draws the line

At what the heart always tends to have 

Perfections incomplete

As a part of mine sings

The songs of divinity and faith

Another part of me jostled

The unbridled dance

Against the dogmatic factuals

Of wisdom love and compassion

One part seeks the holiness

While the other, reputation

When both take ways opposed

The “I” in me tear apart

And the incomplete parts

Wandered for fullness

Finally meet each other

Giving space to accommodate

The imperfections of them

That made them complete…

Materials

Materials and means

Taunted the survival

My pride tends to sink

In the unbolted boasts,

Metals in yellow and white

Troubled my peace

And I tried to chase them

To reward my obsessions  

I grow obese, I fells down

And had none to pull me up

Until I forsake the heaviness

Of materialistic pleasures

Garnished on my selfish wants

Pushing up the undecorated

Truest part of me- My soul…

Nightmare

The pebbles of many textures

Reflecting rainbow colors

I become a tiny weed

Sprout under the sands bed

Just as I am awake

In to a mysterious nightmare

All alone in a different space

Breathless but with the gills

Drowning but with the fins

Searching for an escape way

From the inglorious realities

That suffocates me

Leaving me panting, 

Dying for air...some fresh air...

First linguistic offspring

Like a ladies undone stock

Words rolled out

Like the first flush of a water fall

From mountains wise so high 

It was locked under the pins

Like a caged circus lion

That noshes on herbs

So miserable and piteous

It wobbled from the cellars

Of the neurons of my brain

Like a captive to prison-break

After a long cursed hostage

Words took control over me

And I transformed in to

The ink and quill myself

My expressions freed out

Irrevocably liberal

Like just born butterflies

And here I am pregnant

To give birth to my 

First linguistic offspring...

Pride

Graceful was she

Golden as a bright sun

As she got brighten

Her pride grow high

Like a wild creeper

Not knowing the fact

That the soil she spit on

Is the place where

She is gonna rest in peace…

The Imprints of Monsoon...!!!

It arrived on an evening

Cladding a grayed scarf

Fanning a cold breeze

Across my innocent face,

I shrilled and shivered

With an open wide eyes

Rolling side to side

With the commuting rain clouds,

The first drip of the rain

Jellied on my cheek

And disappeared rolling down

Like an ice on fire,  

The thunder bolts howled

Like a wolf from afar

And the lightning ghosted

Striking on the wet earth

Like the vigorous arrows   

Of an invisible enemy clan,

The fragrance of the mud

Rustically real lingered in the air

As if someone opened

A new cloth box,

The sound of the rain

Played a classical rhythm

That made the emotions nude

Like a virgin hooker,

The glowworms lined up

Like the soldiers with fire

Drawing fluorescent crisscrosses

And other shapes in the dark,

The rain flies rise up

From the earths underneath

Like freed souls refuge

To the heavens above,

Sensations luring, travels around

Carrying the fragrance of

A craving country delicacy

That melts in the mind

Like a scoop of cream

That I would always wish to taste 

After a guzzled gala feast...

The Saga Seeds

The crimson pearls of saga seeds

Adorn the road like blood spills

It led to the unsojourn reel

Of my seamless limitless lusts,

Some cracked under my foot

Some slipped away

But a few still stuck

In the holes of my boots,

The lump matured vexatious

Turning me limp down my knees

And I dragged myself with it

Through the dark woods of infinity,

Moths of my wisdom

End their momentary being

Failing to fulfill the actions

The causality and intentions of life,

Like the saga seed preserve

My purposes heaped

In the grimy glass jar

Like a little girls possession…

Facial Skins

I wanted to run away

From the untrue faces

Coated with hoaxes

Their silver lining patched

After being ripped out

Innumerable times

They smiled at me

Having dismays behind it

They showed piety

Being ruthless behind their eyes

They comforted me

Chortling loud silently 

I was a fish viewing the sky

From under the ripples

That seemed like a canvas of shades

Falling back in a splash

Disappointed by the deception

Wondering if that was

The fakeness of the world out

Or the chastity of its own world

A layer- a frame, a coating

That reflects imperfections perfectly 

A Blowball Orphan

I am a blowball

That’s detached from

Her pivotal cord

Flying without a direction

Or a destination foreseen  

Languidly lazily like a

River flowing ripple less

Without an identity-

A race, tribe or a flock,

I was separated from my cluster

That I know nothing about

Believing that existence

Existed this way,

I got exhausted waiting

For my progenitors to come,

I got lost in my efforts

To discover my own roots,

But all I encountered was

The mocking face of my own faith,

I unloaded my yearnings

In the clay clad loam

And walked away

Lacking a sensible conclusion

Accepting the name they call me-

An unwanted straying Orphan…