Oct 2015

There is nothing peculiar about this day. Its just like every single day that I have lived. Sun still rises in the east, birds still flies, wind still blow and I know days happens when the earth still spins. Its all the same. Then what made me write something today? Yes its been a long that I have checked in here. My world. This was and have been a place where I secretly took trips to, this used to be the place where I loved to hide away. It still is but in the past few months, my soul was wandering for unknown places. It wanted to try some adventures. It took weird journeys. It even took a crazy ride to a place where it itself promised not to return back. But lemme tell you, nothing is yours, not even the plans we make. We will land up places where we are suppose to land up and not a single drop of your energy can move it. This is exactly the same way where you find the key to happiness. At some point of life, we tend to bother more about materials, yes it is ok to do so, but every time you tend to get attracted to those momentary stuffs, pause! and take a moment to look around and feel the beauty that exist around you. Its a very beautiful life and life is today, at this hour .. at this very moment.. It used to be more beautiful before, when we the so called humans bothered less about showing off or pleasing others. I have no clue what all have i missed taking pleasure of, in the gone years of my adulthood. One thing I am pretty sure of is, real beauty is fading and there is only a little left that is available and soon to be exploited so at least now, slow down! Look around. Its not just stacking up money, buying bungalows owning your favourite car but also to spent some days all alone in a local lodge, having a night spent on top of a mountain, trek through the wilderness listening to the mysterious sounds of nature. Its not always those things that money can buy gives happiness, these unpaid, free stuffs are those that gives real happiness, coz you don't have to lose anything when you get them, that's why I call it priceless. Once in a while every has to take a short break and think if we are really living the life we really want to. Are we tasting every thing that life has in store for us. I myself found dumbstruck when I realized many things. I even forgot many lovely faces who lived in my past. That's how much I am occupied with this race to succeed. What in fact is success? The generation is dying for success! What is it? Why do they think success is something that's worth dying for? Its simply owing a chair at times. Its simply having the newspaper to talk about you. Its simply lying on a plush bed and rolling over side to side to get some sleep. Finally success is dying out of cardiac arrest. I am sure there are many people out there who dreams about it, who loves it. I beg your pardon.

There are much more to die for in the shelves of life. Imagine, living a small but beautiful and at times adventurous life. Dont miss out the adventures. The adrenaline! Let it pump through you. A brave but reckless small life is what I look forward to. I wanna walk the entire earth. I wanna swim naked in some remote beach. I wanna explore different markets around the world and see what they sell there. I wanna taste the food that they serves on the other side of the world and  I want it all done without the media covering it. These are a few from my Big-thing-list. Yes I do consider it to be big and difficult to achieve.

Its only now I realize, as this winter knocked at my window, that how quicker a year had gone past by me. And I am a year older in this world and a year closer to my expiry date. I thought, why not i list down the small-thing-list first and try to achieve the milestones as quickly as possible with in a year? I have figured out what I enjoy by watching people doing it or by observing things happen around me that made me wanna try it. Here are those simple, possible wishes of mine;

1. Learning to play Guitar

2. Learning to Swim

3. Learning to drive a car

4. Learning bicycle riding

5. Taking cake baking class

6. TO read the holy Qur'an 

7. Buying a telescope

8. To make a painting

9. To work for an NGO

10.To have a baby

It might sound funny, or cool. But this is what I wanna do in the coming days before another year go past me with that dirty smirk. This is my life and I design it. I have decided to do it ,to do certain things even though dirty that I love. I dont wanna regret for not having the energy to do the things while age put up limitations to my body. Let me start from the little heap and gradually reach the summit.

So here is the thought. Do the little things that makes you happy and feel alive. Some says there is only one life, some says there are more to come but I think 'now' is never returning. Make the best out of it.

Reasons to be Happy

Being happy is not a rocket science. I know that, you know that, everyone knows that but to practice it is the difficult part. We are at times too confused and lost for the wrong reasons or the wrong things. Being happy and being everything good is a decision. It needs courage. Courage to eliminate the negative things that had overpowered our conciousness. We are more towards the No's, Don't's, Never's, and everything that breaks your journey towards the paradise. Paradise, the state in which a human being is completely content, happy and at peace.

My reason for happiness today is my friend goofys new born baby. The news shocked me with a surprised eyes that in no time filled with an overloaded amount of happiness. 24th July will be always remembered. As I predicted, it was a baby boys turn. I am unsure of him liking my word prediction. Coz this fella is all against stupidities! Anyways! i gotta try.. try till i die to manifest happiness and goodness in ma life. Its a known fact that "life is a manifestation of your thoughts"..

My every blessings and prayers to the lil champ!... 

People who've touched my soul!

Its 11 days after the new year born and its still snuggling under the cloudy blankets refusing to open its eyes and brighten the world. But i kinda like it. I just love cold, I cant bear heat. I guess that wont make me a cold-one. I do have a warm heart and i strongly believe made good imprints on many people than bad. I intentionally never tried to hurt people but yes there have been times when I had to work for karma and do revel my dark side too coz that was required for the whole thing to keep going and not to get stuck at a hump. I with full of my heart regret for hurting them and my sincere apologies, those acts could have given a good lesson or a great experience in their lives. So i am still glad.

This is 2015. 10 years back, yes 10 years is what a decade is. Holy crow! times super-fast. Ok 10 years back while I was still studying at the same time under-going the most painful time of my life, hoping and praying god for passing me from that state of vein, i would ask myself this question very often "what will be my life like after 10 years? ".."where will I be?"..."will I be rescued from this heart bleeding by then..?" and so many questions of sorts. I, many a times thought if i could foresee the future. But no! I didn't had that supernatural ability, I had to wait and kept going in the flow of countless number of faces gurgled passed me like a flood. It wasn't an easy ride, its still not. But it shaped me smooth polishing my sharp edges and nibs so that I can roll easily with the current. I am a strong person after a decade of being polished by different scenarios of life. I am happy and thankful to everything that made me the person I am today. Every good things and bad things, every sadness and trochees, every struggles and the many people who came to my life and left. some did care to scribble on the pages of my soul, but a few simply left quite.  I remember all of you still and forever. Above all i am thankful to myself to that person in me who kept encouraging me and who even played dramas in my mind keeping me subtle and calm. My heart could live a lifetime without blood but Love it was impossible to pump at once without it. It always craved Love and when at times in my life I was abandoned and left alone by destiny, my soul kept playing epic of love within my head with solid colour pictures and kept me confident. I still don't have any idea, how on earth would someone live a stage of their life in a completely imaginary world. I did my stuffs and followed a disciplined routine but i would escape to my world that i don't know if exist in any part of this world. This is where i find me as awesome as the greatest artists. Only things is this that my soul can execute something like that only within me but its just a crybaby when it comes to open its talent to the world.

So while it is 2015, and i am 27 now, I would once again like to look back at my life and judge my past. 10 years ago, I was as delicate as a wafer that anyone could break it smash it ground it and simply blow it in the air. As time pass by, I evolved in to something solid and beautiful like the great barrier reef, my talents and calibres are the pearls and corals, and now I decide to adorn me with a tiara made of it. Let me expose it to the world with pride. I would thank all of you who visited my soul and touched it drawing beautiful pattens on it. The first few people i would mention here would alwaysbe  you three whom I always had and still have; of course on the top Goofy (Abdul Rauf) a true friend who guided me and protected me from falling in to the dirty holes, Sosha (Alpha VJ) who still treats me as her only friend and no matter how far I go, would chase me somehow and keep in touch, Chandu (Chandhana) who have been a sister and cared me like her own,

My memory lapse. I know i am not even through the first trimester of my own life. But it just happens and i dont know how will i complete the list. Even though i dont remember the names, i still feel the ripple across my heart that was made from the tender touch of yours...some names are embossed on to my memory's shell while some faces are painted on the canvases of my heart..there are even vague..faded faces on the walls of my long ago ruined mansions of dreams that collapsed in the earth quakes on the run...i wont make you disappear rather i will preserve it for life and if another destruction rumbles you down..i would still dig and excavate and pick every pieces and ensafe it in the crystal cubes safely until.... until i get diluted in the dark vastness of this universe and my possessions take shape into toddlers of stars....

Resolution for LIFE

It’s a new year. And regardless of the fact that all these are created by ourselves for convenience, we just do things like we don’t know the fact that all these were created by ourselves for convenience. We ditch our conscience pushing it to believe that things were rolling down in the very same way in the very same direction even before mankind step its foot on this world. Things were this way, no argument, but the way we watch it is through a different kind of lens. We know everything that the mankind boastfully calls it its achievements already existed in the universe and we found it out and named it. Like we named the whole scenario SCIENCE… And we are like forever still hunting the universe for more answers. More answers we get more questions arises… at the moment I feel like a fool, what do I know? Nothing! Simply nothing! I couldn’t find anything unfound. I am just a parasite, consuming the little knowledge some people found out being mad, crazy and sleepless for years... I feel like a fool when I question myself about what am I living for, what it is that the creator installed in me to move a brick on the wall of this universe… Do I have any connection with the stars that shine high up in the sky every night while I jealously stare at them for being one remarkable part of this whole beautiful nothingness… Why do I feel incomplete? Is life meant to be as hopeless and wasteful like this? When I try to judge myself at times, I could place me in a high level of quality when it comes to leading a life as compared to many others who are living the worst times. I am thankful for whatever brought me here. But that’s not enough. I have way a long list of questions and confusions that suffocates me like I am locked inside a jar. Will I ever find an answer? Will I ever encounter with a guru who can guide me to my answers? Or is it all as everyone says buried inside me that I need to shovel it out removing the layers of dirt that sediment over it…?? I can sense the clock of my lifetime is ticking faster now a days and I am afraid I would have to leave, out of time, clueless and confused, coming back with more dirt sediment over the coal of knowledge that’s calling out from deep inside for a rescue… I sense that there are so many of them, so many of myself, dwelling within me…they all have their own ideas and part to collocate before me, and my difficulty is to choose which one and when…most of the time I fail to pick the right one at the right moment and I regret for my choices and the seconds that I just wasted… I have been trying hard to bring them all in one line and have their parts shouted on my face in unison which would echo in the air like it was shot out of a single lip. I am gonna turn 28 this year, my times in a battle to reach its destination quicker, which leaves me worried and sick. All I am doing now is shedding wrath that’s dancing in a circle around my chest in bliss through my tears… crying keeps it low… the impulses that behaves like a caveman, vigorous and vulnerable…

So what I decided in the moment under the created cloud of beliefs, while watching a year die and receiving another year having crackers splash paints on the starry night sky that this time I will run around the sun trying to find answers for my existing questions. At least I will dig down through the dirt, decomposed and hardened until I get the clangour of hitting on the brass vessel within which the treasures are hiding…this year is my work place, I will try the last pinch of my energy to master over my laziness and shake my clumsy head vigil… I was half sleeping throughout a few years and I am tapping on the floor hard to wake the busy- bee up. I have always been a doer not the mourner but was enjoying the state of being coddled by him with the love that kept pumping upon me… I would need it until I puff my last breath out but up until then his love is my life source and a minute without it would break me in to micro bits… This is not or can be a resolution but for the life… I need the answers not just to know it but also to have those old graying questions to move out and give space for new thoughts… An unanswered question is an aching hump on the back and it can bend you down and shrink you in to atom size… 

A December Tradition

Now this has become a part of my tradition, to write something nice in December before I wave good bye to the year. No matter how it turned out, good, bad, fantastic or boring. I must begin it showing gratitude to this place and our group. Coz no matter how time and destiny had separated us, we still have this single heart shape cut page here to share our feeling always and forever. I would still love to start it cherishing the wonderful moments we shared back then. It still is as colorfully alive as an Oscar-won film. And it still grows nostalgia in me whenever I get tackled with certain aromas, the way the wind blows my hear, the kind of things we gifted each other, the places we went together, the pretty girly foursomes who looks exactly like us pass me, any railway station, some restaurants and foods, some movies and books and a lot more. I can never get over from the ache of being missing US together. And munnu, that was lovely to see you again and watch your eyes glow with love. That is what which drags my soul to yours from then to now. And as we spoke all that old times I could sense the presence of their souls around us, even though they were unaware of the whole idea.

As every year does, this year was also not anywhere in the back row giving wonderful surprises and lovely times. I believe that a perfect year is when we undergo goodness and badness in an equal way. It can’t be equal coz we don’t count the many happy moments but a single sad moment. In shot I meant to say its always a mixture of situations that makes a perfect time. The year was pretty favorable to me, giving me the power to recognize people from inside. I could make every person out in their true forms and I was devastated at times to find some smiling faces ripped off to reveal the dirty ugly jackal fangs. But I am thankful to time and everything that controls the universe for having all these incidents happened before I was eaten by the evilness behind the entire cowards masks. I had a bunch of good family moments and couple time with my hubby making it a worthy year of my life. We still continue to rock most of the time and never missed a single chance to celebrate. We met people, we hung out, we invited friends and we gave the best of our spaces to everyone possible. When we get things we are deserve to lose too..and I think I lost a few people from my life. It’s always ones acts that attracts and repels souls. But I believe I have done as per the universes command and it might have been necessary to open or close a door. I have a nip of regret for my wrong actions but then the voice inside me reassures me and calms me. There is a law that we are unknowingly following and according to that law what so ever you do is all for the benefit of the universe. Both good and bad. Its like you body needs food to kick start metabolism. Our action is the fuel that runs the entire universe. Once we do a thing, it’s the start of a process and that ends in the different side of the world. But we wouldn’t know the outcome, whether it end up in a pleasant way or not. Sometimes you do a good deed of your belief but it take shapes and alters during the process and perform the exactly opposite thing, which has to happen to keep the cycle get going. So never regret for any of your actions coz it was destined to happen to make changes in someone else’s life. Nothing is useless in this world not even a single word you say for jokes sake. A word can change may lives. Regret not but repair your attitude.

I have been into so many things throughout this year.  I was growing fonder of astronomy astrology physics metaphysics history puranas & Vedas calendar and some scientific math. I feel like a jack of all trades now but sure have an impulse within me that poke me almost every single minute of every day and I simply read and read and read googling it one after another. I guess this helps sometime later in the future. It’s just broken knowledge coz I don’t know the entire hypothesis of anything but a hint about everything that comes under my favorite topics. One thing I consider as a gem of this year is to have this wonderful book read in one sitting “The Krishna Key”- a thriller but composed of good amount of information related to Lord Krishna’s reign and the archeological findings and the proof of his existences and also the about great inventions and discoveries of great men of that times which is unimaginable for the modern brains and much more. The book was fascinating me chapter after chapter and I felt proud to be born in a country that has seen intellectual advancements and technologies much before the modern men thought they discovered/ invented it by themselves for the first time. India has seen civilization in a time much earlier that even time lost its ability to preserve it this long.

I would also like to share some soul matters with you today. As I always felt you three are my soul mates and all of them with whom we feel compassion could once be a part of our soul. So we feel an unknown attachment with them. Have you felt this, you get sticked to certain people in the mall or in traffic and your eyes locks absorbing the time and suddenly releases it and you feels like you know that person or that animal, you have seen them somewhere but can’t recognize where or when? We are all one basically and it will be nice if we are not rude to anyone.  We are eternal creatures, only the body changes. I have believed in this since a long time ago. I never read it from anywhere but I knew that it is this. I had answers for so many things inside my head and my husband says it too. He is a very poor reader but he has answers and explanations for quite many topics and thats where we collide. The most discussed topic of ours is souls and rebirths and the universal connection. The answers lead to questions many and for most of the questions we find answers again but it stretches out like a chain reaction. New questions and doubts pop up as we find answer or reasoning for one question but could never conclude the topic. I spend most of my time researching online and many a times I used to wonder how crazy I might have gone without Google and internet at times I needed answers badly. Inventions are like alcohol, used moderately keeps you cool but cutting the limits drives you insane.

As most of us, I am tired of all that the generation is boastful of. I need some fresh air. And we have wonderful plans in our minds. All we are trying is to turn the time back or live like a caveman in the outskirts of this concrete jungle. We are on our way to find utmost happiness and we have hints to find the right road.  True happiness lit up your eyes and I see through the dust and fumes. And the machine that produces happiness is you! Kindness is the weapon to clear the thorny weeds. Give love! Share happiness! Let’s take care of only our circle and imagine what happens if half of the world’s population does it? I am working on my kindness project and I have set my first foot by opening a page on Fb where the human kind clings over all the time. I thought of making use of some free technological rides. A spoiled field can still be used to saw seeds that only grow in there.

So this is a few silver sparks that budded in my head as I traveled through this year and I am thankful to all the powers of the nature to have me exposed to many helpful informative things through different medium. I believe as we grow an unseen organ grows within us with us which is Wisdom and I recommend everyone not to pluck your wisdom tooth out, it is one vital proof of what you acquired passing through ages. I shall now conclude my word juggling after sharing this one myth that engendered in my heart while staring at the clear and full sky of this December night. I remember my grandma saying when people die they become stars. And the little girl dwells inside me believes it coz there are possibilities. There are millions of stars taking birth every single second out of the reach of human eyes. And there are as many as stars in the space to count for the number of humans took birth and died on the earth. And the space is still vast and spacious enough to give space to more of us. And the little girl believes one day the space will be full to accommodate dead people to become stars and that day rest of the man on the earth will stop dying and turn immortal.

Let’s welcome a fresh year with fresh feelings and loads of love and kindness to share in our circles. Love and stay Loved..!! This journey stops never…  Let’s wish ourselves to bump into ourselves every single life..!!  

Death!

How easily we say things like "i ll kill you".."hey that stupid fella died".."Go kill yourself"'..How easily we say hey Lillians dad died..or johns brother died in an accident..and etc etc..How easily we says it all..How easy is that world to be pulled out from your mouth or write down in a paper..D.E.A.T.H!! a very short but haunting letter in at least my dictionary now.. its not it haunting me its the pain behind it..its the pain of not being able to see touch hug kiss someone..its the pain you feel when suddenly someone disappear from your life and never come back..

Its true that, they leaves happily..coz they gets free from the ties and suffering that the earthly life got to give them. they also says its the end of their one part of life and they rebirths..whatsoever, the one person who have been on your side who cared you helped you loved you, did a lot of things for you and was a part of your world suddenly says goodbye from life..they not only push us in to a hole of sorrow but also leaves a unfillable space beside us..that space will follow you everywhere even if you try to shove it away..you can only delete the messages from your mobile..but erasing the memories from your own head is one of the impossible tasks..it pops up like a burned toast every time you visit certain places..you smell certain odours..you eat certain food..and when you do so many things that you might have done with that particular person.. to die is eazy..whoever can do that..even the most fearful ones would do it but..its the people around them who suffers with that aching bleeding hole they stab at the centre of our hearts..

This is for my sister(cousin) who at times used to hate me..for snatching her shoes..for snatching her own sister..for avoiding her saying she not big enough to be in our company..and when she was big enough..when she felt she is big enough she took her life by herself..leaving all of us mourning..and wanting her to be back in our group to share all those secrets we kept from her for such long time..Now that you are gone..all those secrets are simply circulate in our minds like invisible dust particles in an empty jar..they cries with us sometime..and at times they makes us cry..

I pray god!..Where ever you are..you get a long life this time..and don't hurt them leaving them abandoned halfway like you did to us..

Love you always..!! <3

The Eternal Alchemy!

Its me most of the time. yes, the person who really can keep me up, the one who really can control and console me, the guide, the pathfinder, the inspirer, all those devils and angels who brought me to where i am now 's ME! No one can change me, none can influence me, cause it was always me. The one person i am deeply in love with is to MYSELF..!!

What is my world? My world is first MYSELF and then it extends it tails, nails, roots and so many nerves spreading out in to different parts and i called them my parents, my siblings, my friends, my cousins, my relatives and so on... Now what am I? thats one big question! I am just an atom! I moves in the same direction and motion as all other atoms does. All i have to do is sit back and go with the flow. Cause there really isnt anything i should do to change this world coz it change by its own no matter what i do. no matter how much strength and strain i put in to it. Chillax people..this is the real chemistry..and someone is adding acids diluting concentrating and doing lot of stuffs we really have no idea about,,some of us gets burned or die in the process, some of us lose memory, some of us change colour, some of us infuse some others defuse, some of us becomes invisible and some of us simply disappears...panic, worry, grieve! do all this but no use coz through that you are only losing your energy, it dont change the pattern, it wont stop the process, it simply goes on...and on..!!

This is an eternal alchemy! Life is an eternal alchemy!  

Right Now!

What will i say..?? Oh god!! this is great..all i can tell u is that this is one of the greatest times of my life..i may forget this..my memories may turn in to a pile of dirty papers back under the long heap.. but i am sure the piece of happiness i enjoys now is - a good piece of chocolate tart right in front of me while i am hungry like a very starved beggar. i don't know what else to say... Some nice music and a little milder tranquillizer canned in the green tin.. oh holy crap.. i am on the peaks now..i wish if my life coils and linger around this moment...love all around me..i dont know if its what that lies inside me brakes out in to freedom and flush out in the air,,spreading it like a rose petals fragrance...

All of you who reads this.. i know it can be sometimes just me..but i know i am in a crowd right now but none of you notices my shouts..all are busy i know.. this world is a business place at the moment!! hey i heard you, u called me sick and insane.. yeah i am insane..!! but i calls me the one sanest person  left in this whole world..!!! I am different.. am i different?? i dont know i wish to call me so.. i am different.. coz i hate that,..i hate to become one in the machines thats strolls along the globes greens chopping the lush like crazy cattle..!! the button eyed monsters!!

Be Fresh!

As always, confused! i dont know where my train is taking me to. I dont know if i am in the right wagon and i wagon is on the right rail. But i feel positive recharged and re-energized today. There isnt any particular reason that i can pin up and show u all. may be i am happy because there is nothing. Yes nothingness can make a person utterly happy and content. Imagine this, you got nothing to think about, like you dip yourselves in to deep pool or a  sea, you feel that detachment- i am talking about the good one, the detachment from the noises and tensions and pressures of the dry part of this world, which we mistakenly believe that is the colourful side of the planet. I feel relaxed like i am naked, free from the weight of my cloths, from the elasticity of my bra that suffocates me most of the time, with each breath i take with the hooks on, i feels that it not only helps me keep my figure in tact but also squeeze in my trachea (i just googled it) the tube through which we respires. No ties, no knots and no elastic.. Oh My God i dont even want to imagine about the pain of wearing a tummy tucker or a shaper or squeezer or something like that. Well that doesn't make me a person who don't be presentable but i would go for the natural way of holding air inroder to make my fat belly look flat.. I wish i could remember my times walking in the woods naked and leading a life like monkeys- I am talking about my previous births (I am sure i had one)..

So about today! its just a day, like everyday but, all i can tell you is this that, its quite, i dont get to listen to the daily irritating buzzing of the world, may be its the thunder thats singing a non-stop opera from the morning behind the closed silver curtains..i love it..i love its peak when it suddenly roar like a lioness and then get back to the soothing tone..The weather looks different since yesterday and i am loving it like i have seen my maid dressed up in a different cloth once in a while..I am back to my lonely pleasurable time..spending time watching movies, cookery.. reading and i am reading a classic now Jane Austen's  "Sense & sensibility" which was written in 1800 :) Two hundred and fourteen years ago..wow..she still lives in the book. 200 years sounds..just 200 years but! the changes that the mankind encountered from then and now is massive..an equal mixture of good and bad i would say..i want the needled to e balanced at neutral.

Its a pleasant day for me. Without any specific reason. Or may be i am calling it pleasant is coz i am alive to see another morning noon evening and if the clock called life permits, tonight too.. When i look back..i realize that i am not the same person who used to be a 10 years ago, the fresh grace and the blush is slowly diminishing but i wont allow that to wipe out completely from me. I used to believe that  youth is when you are in your teens or early twenties but thats wrong. Youth is not an age criteria..its about a personality..no matter your grace diminish, white spreads your crown if you have that punch in you like that goddamn cocktale that always bring your energy up and make you dance even if your legs shiver..You can do anything thats available in this world..anything! all you need is to collect your courage and grab that stuff..its never late for anything to be achieved..its never late to go to a grammar class..its never late to join a health-club..its literally never late if you are alive..all one needs is to be breathing, but positively..

Do you know? Most of us are scared to get on a roller coaster or giant wheel or do a river rafting or bungee jumping. They calls it an adventure sport or they calls people doing it adventurous. I would say life is the greatest adventure. Its like you are in a maze for the whole time, you get lost, you find out the treasure and opens the door to another may be critical maze through your life, yes the beginning stages will e quite easy for you..and it gets tougher through each levels..A maze! imagine, amid the green walls..the narrow path..just close your eyes and think about the challenges we had to face in our past..do you think we are not enough courageous to sky-dive..?? We are all born with great powers. We use it whenever we requires it practically..We are all capable of doing what the-so-called-rocket scientists are doing..but one problem that we are not interested in rocket science.. everything in your life is about your mentality..what takes you to the bad is your ill knowledge..or your lack of concentration or enthusiastic or introversion..they are rich, they are talented, they are fare and you are nothing is the first thing one got to wipe from their head..we wouldn't know if someone is having a crush on us for they thinks we are talented or something..

All i wanna say is that. be confident about yourself. god never creates any of his works thats useless. hes a great artist. he fixed the appropriate engine in you and your job is to find it out and master it..the world needs it..and thats the only thing you can give back to the great creator..you shouldn't be just an instrument..value yourself before you praise others..wake up in the morning..go to the bathroom and spent some time grooming yourself..you think you want a change, cut your hair..trim a new beard..or change your lipstick and do everything that makes you feel that you own one of the most beautiful features..its all about inner beauty, i know that..if you are beautiful from inside that will reflect on your face..and being beautiful will make you confident and that builds the inner beauty too.. so both works hand in hand..one for the other and other of the one all time..

Be happy..do everything that makes you happy..buy it, take it, make it, do it all for yourself..a happy you is a happy surrounding..you don't know how important you are and sometimes the one god choose to deliver his miracles through can be you..you are never a material of someone else's pleasure but someone born to make a difference in this world..

Cheers..!!

A Cinder Cone

And my heart swelled

Watching his lips tremble

As he uncover the sorrow that was spreading in

In between the walls of his tender heart

The love he lay upon her

Was all wasted and left unwanted

He suppressed the fire that burnt him

Within him like a volcanic mountain

It fumed letting him crawl with pain

As the feeling of desertion bubbled up,

He let the snow warp him

Making it to give the world a false facade

I dare not, to question

I fear not, to take a part of his ache  

That’s striked at the centre of his heart

And I let that never, to tear him apart

Unwanted, unloved and neglected

Like a tormented slave for life

He stills alive next to her

Curled up on one side of the same bed

Waiting for her to come back

Forgotten and forgiven 

The pain she made him to endure...